Realising How IVF Can Affect Your Mental Health 143

Understanding How IVF Knocks You About Emotionally 144

Realising you may be sad, but you're not mad 145

Feeling good for nothing 145

Coping when life's not as fun as it used to be 146

Hanging In There Together 146

Talking about your feelings — often helps her, hinders him 147

Dodging the blame game 148

Losing a Pregnancy 148

Waiting and Hoping 150

Putting your life on hold 150

Getting nowhere 151

Deciding to stop treatment 151

Seeing Further Down the Track 152

Chapter 12: Moving On When IVF Doesn't Work 153

Taking Stock 154

Reviewing your treatment 154

Getting off the merry-go-round 155

Letting go 156

Dealing With Dashed Hopes 156

Managing your disappointment 156

Handling your partner's disappointment 157

Recognising your families' disappointment 157

Moving On 157

Part IV: Pushing the Boundaries 159

Chapter 13: Using a Donor 161

Finding Out That It May Take Three (or Four) to Tango 161

Needing a sperm donor 162

Needing an egg donor 163

Needing an embryo donor 164

Transferring the Donor Material 164

Donor sperm 164

Donor eggs 164

Donor embryos 165

Understanding What the Law Says About Donor Conception 165

Thinking Carefully About Your Options 167

Finding a Donor 169

Using a donor selected by the clinic 169

Asking someone you know to be a donor 170

Advertising for a donor 170

Deciding Whether to Tell 170

Chapter 14: Using a Surrogate 173

Borrowing a Uterus 174

What the Law Says About Surrogacy 175

Thinking Through the Surrogacy Option 176

Finding a Surrogate 176

Asking someone you know 177

Heading overseas to find a surrogate 177

Considering the costs 178

Chapter 15: Putting Things on Ice 179

Freezing Gametes and Embryos 179

Sperm 180

Eggs 181

Embryos 182

The risks of freezing 182

Considering the Rules and Costs of Storage 183

Deciding What to Do With Your Surplus Embryos 184

Knowing your options 184

Tackling the dilemma 185

Chapter 16: Avoiding Passing on 'Bad' Genes 187

Understanding the Genetic Lottery 187

Undertaking Pre-implantation Genetic Diagnosis 188

Testing for severe genetic conditions 189

Using PGD for other reasons 189

Performing PGD 190

Understanding the limitations of PGD 191

Chapter 17: Looking at Future Possibilities 193

Getting Eggs Without Stimulating the Ovaries 194

Identifying the Most Viable Embryos 194

Making the Embryos Stick 195

Freezing Young Eggs and Having Babies Later 195

Offering Low-cost IVF in Developing Countries 196

Curing Chronic Diseases 197

Part V: Beyond IVF 199

Chapter 18: Jumping For Joy: Baby On the Way! 201

Finding Your Pregnancy Hard to Believe 201

Wondering whether your baby will be okay 202

Telling others 202

Cutting the Ties With Your IVF Team 203

Who looks after you now? 203

You're like everyone else now but 204

Getting Prodded and Probed 204

Making decisions about antenatal screening and testing 205

Having more than one baby 206

Facing complications 206

Thinking About Your Baby 206

Imagining a real baby 207

All you ever wanted but . . . You're allowed to feel in two minds 207

Getting Ready for Childbirth 208

Planning the birth: Have your say! 208

Giving up paid work 209

Thinking Beyond the Birth 209

Chapter 19: Welcoming Your Baby to the World 211

Arriving at 'D' for 'Delivery' Day 211

Types of birth 212

Having a birthing experience that isn't quite what you expected 212

Holding your baby — at last 215

Coping when your baby needs special care 215

Taking A Crash Course in Baby Care 216

Understanding that baby care doesn't always come naturally! 216

Feeding: Breast is best, but 216

Finding out what works for you 218

Coping with more than one baby 218

Making the Most of Your Hospital Stay 218

Resting while you can! 219

Keeping visitors at bay 219

Getting a dose of the baby blues 219

Feeling ready to take your baby home 220

Chapter 20: Coming Home With Your New Baby 221

Busting Some Motherhood Myths 222

Having So Much to Worry About 223

Feeling out of your depth 224

Wondering whether you're producing enough milk 224

Letting sleeping babies lie 226

Caring for Baby 226

Getting to know your baby 226

Surviving the first three months 227

Crying is part of the deal, but it's hard to take 227

Feeding can be tricky 228

Feeling lonely 229

Getting Into the Feed-Play-Sleep Routine 229

Caring For Baby Around the Clock 231

Never-ending invisible work 231

Feeling down in the dumps 232

Sharing the load 233

Wondering what happened to romance 233

Managing with more than one baby 233

Finding Help and Support 234

Hooking up to Maternal and Child Health Services 235

Joining forces with other parents 235

Trawling the Web for help 236

Phoning for help 236

Graduating from sleep school 237

Chapter 21: Living and Loving Life with Your

New Family Member 241

Feeling Better Three Months On 241

Sleeping through the night — sometimes! 242

Enjoying parenting 243

Enjoying time with others 244

Having time to yourself 244

Taking the rough with the smooth 245

Rejoining the Workforce 245

Finding childcare 246

Getting the support you need 247

Trying For a Sibling 248

Starting IVF again 248

Using frozen embryos 248

Fluking it by getting pregnant without help 249

Part VI: The Part of Tens 251

Chapter 22: Ten Tips for Surviving IVF 253

Gathering Information 253

Working Together 254

Helping Each Other 254

Avoiding the Guilt Trip 254

Setting Limits 255

Escaping Together 255

Talking to Someone Else 255

Finding Virtual Support 256

Turning to a Counsellor 256

Knowing When to Stop Treatment 257

Chapter 23: Ten Tips for New IVF Parents 259

Preparing for Pregnancy Probing and Prodding 260

Imagining (Real) Life with Your Baby 260

Handling Birthing Plan Letdowns 261

Having the Confidence to Take Baby Home 261

Facing Life at Home with a Newborn 262

Figuring Out the Intricacies of Baby Feeding 262

Coping with Baby Care 24/7 263

Make That Two: Caring For Twins 263

Sharing the Load 263

Reaping the Rewards of Parenthood 264

Part VII: Appendixes 265

Appendix A: Abbreviations 267

Appendix B: What Does This Mean? (A Glossary of Terms) 269

Appendix C: Web Resources 275

Index 277

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