Friendship Ebook

Making and Keeping Friends

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Success friendship and dominance

Affiliation seems to be basic to human motivation. Most people are gregarious they seem to need the contact of others. Just as with other human behaviours, there are enormous variations in the strength of the drive to seek contact with others. Affiliation is related to attachment (see Chapters 6 and 14) which is fundamental to so many aspects of our social and emotional development. Friendship and association with others are to do with developing a feeling of security socially and with the search for intimacy in social relationships.

Changes in the Nature of Friendship

The quality and nature of friendship vary as a function of age. Children as young as two can have friends, and even twelve- to eighteen-month-olds select and prefer some children to others. Toddlers laugh, smile at, touch, and engage in more positive interactions with some peers more than others. In the preschool years cooperation and coordination in children's interactions with friends increases, and friends are more likely to engage in shared pretend play. Friends also have higher rates of conflict than non-friends, likely due to the greater amount of time they spend together. However, friends are more likely than nonfriends to resolve conflicts in ways that result in equal outcomes rather than one child winning and another losing. In the elementary school years, interactions among friends and nonfriends show the same patterns as in the preschool years but become more sharply defined. Closeness, loyalty, and equality become important features of friendship. Friends, as opposed to...

Changes in the Conception of Friendship

Children's conception of friendship changes with age. Young children define friendship primarily on the basis of interactions in the here-and-now and ac tual activities with their peers. At age seven or eight, friends tend to be viewed in terms of rewards and costs (e.g., certain friends are fun to be with or have interesting toys). When children are about ten years old, issues such as loyalty, making an active attempt to understand one another, and openly discussing personal thoughts and feelings become important components of friendship. Preadolescents and adolescents emphasize cooperative reciprocity (doing the same for one another), equality, trust, and mutual understanding between friends. It is unclear how much the age differences in children's conceptions of friends reflect real differences in their thinking about friendships or reflect differences in how well young children can express their ideas.

Friendship and Healthy Development

As suggested by important developmental theorists like Jean Piaget, Lev Vygotsky, and Harry Stack Sullivan, friends provide emotional support, validation and confirmation of the legitimacy of one's own thoughts and feelings, and opportunities for the development of important social and cognitive skills. Children with friends are less likely to feel lonely, and friendships provide a context for the development of social skills and knowledge that children need to form positive relationships with other people. they begin school with a large number of prior friends as classmates. Exchanges with friends also promote cognitive development. This is because children are more likely to criticize each other's ideas and to elaborate and clarify their own thoughts with friends than nonfriends or adults. Children also benefit from talking and working together, and older friends often act as mentors for younger children. Friendships serve as a buffer against unpleasant experiences, like peer...

Summary of the Characteristics of Friendships

The research on characteristics of friends among ethnic minority youth reveals variation in the extent to which adolescents seek out cross-ethnic race friendships which is likely due to the context in which these friendships are embedded. The same factors that influence the quality of friendships (family relationships, school climate, and neighborhood climate) may also predict the extent to which, for example, adolescents seek out cross-ethnic race friendships. The characteristics of friendships also appear to vary by ethnicity race with European American youth reporting fewer neighborhood-based friendships than Black youth. These patterns are likely influenced by a multitude of factors including the mobility patterns of the people who live in the neighborhoods, the ethnic racial composition of the adolescents in the neighborhood of the school, and the extent to which adolescents from the neighborhood attend the neighborhood school. These findings regarding the characteristics of...

The Quality of Friendships Quantitative Data Gender and Ethnic Differences

Research on the quality of adolescent friendships has typically been grounded in Weiss's (1974) contention that children and adolescents seek social provisions in their close friendships (Furman, 1996). Such provisions include intimacy (e.g., sharing secrets together), affection (e.g., showing affection toward one another), companionship (e.g., having fun together), and satisfaction (Shulman, 1993). A large body of research over the past decade has focused on understanding the prevalence and correlates of these dimensions of friendship quality (see Buhrmester, 1990 Bukowski, Newcomb, & Hartup, 1996 Collins & Laursen, 1992 Furman & Buhrmester, 1985), and the extent to which they vary by gender and, more recently, by ethnicity race. Studies have found that the quality of friendships do vary by gender and ethnicity race. Jones, et al. (1994), for example, explored friendship quality among Mexican American, African American, and European American sixth and ninth graders and found that...

Summary of Quality of Friendships Quantitative Data

Although gender differences are often detected in samples of European American and Latino adolescents, such gender differences are rarely indicated among African American (DuBois & Hirsch, 1990 Rosenbloom, 20042 Way & Chen, 2000) or Asian American youth (Way & Chen, 2000). One possible explanation for the lack of gender differences among African American youth may be that African American boys experience more supportive friendships than both European American or Latino boys and thus mean level differences in friendship support among African American boys and girls are not significant. This interpretation is corroborated by recent survey-based research showing that although African American and White girls report similar levels of friendship quality, African American boys report having more intimate close friendship than White and or Latino adolescent boys (DuBois & Hirsch, 1990 Jones et al., 1994). Figure 17.2 Fitted linear growth curves for closest same-sex friendship quality a...

The Quality of Friendships Qualitative Data

Although research has examined the extent to which adolescents feel intimate or supported in their friendships, very little research has focused on how adolescents make meaning of or experience their friendships in the first place. There has been an implicit and explicit assumption in the friendship research that we already know how adolescents experience their friendships and thus should focus instead on the frequencies or intensity of these experiences. Yet descriptive research on how adolescents experience friendships is not only dated (Sullivan, 1954 Selman, 1980 Youniss & Smollar, 1985), it is also based primarily on White middle class adolescents. Furthermore, research has rarely explored how friendship experiences and meanings vary by age, gender, or race ethnicity (exceptions include Azmitia et al., 1998). Our longitudinal studies of ethnic minority, low-income adolescents are one of the only sets of studies that has explored the ways in which adolescents experience their...

Adolescents Experience of Friendships

Relatedly, a second limitation to the friendship literature is a failure to consider adolescents' actual friendship experiences. This is surprising given the fact that the degree to which adolescents attach importance to various traits and behaviors will likely vary by the extent that they (1) are exposed to various norms and values in the larger society and (2) associate with peers who come from differing racial ethnic backgrounds (Aboud, 1987). Thus, although many researchers have argued that people tend to make distinct causal attributions for similar behaviors (Triandis, 1976 Triandis, Vassiliou, Vassiliou, Tanaka, & Shanmungan, 1972), the ever-increasing diversity of schools and other significant socializing contexts encountered by adolescents (e.g., neighborhood community) will likely impact adolescent experiences of friendships. This is especially true given that over the course of adolescence, friends increase significantly in importance (Blyth, Hill, & Thiel, 1982 Brown,...

Agerelated Changes in Friendship Experiences

Additional longitudinal studies investigating how friendships change over time during adolescence and from adolescence to young adulthood are also warranted. Indeed, with regard to friendships, researchers have noted repeatedly (e.g., Newcomb & Bagwell, 1996) that longitudinal research is extremely limited, with much of it conducted over brief periods of time, with middle-class, White adolescents (e.g., Buhrmester & Furman, 1987) or with young children (e.g., Ladd, 1990). Notwithstanding, the extant research has suggested that over time, friendships become more intimate and self-disclosing, with gender differences in friendship quality becoming more pronounced during the transition from childhood to early adolescence (Berndt, 1989 Crockett et al., 1984 Furman & Burhmester, 1992 Hirsch & Rapkin, 1987 Youniss & Smollar, 1985) but less pronounced from early to late adolescence (Azmitia et al.,1998). Our research suggests a similar pattern but also indicates that gender differences may be...

The Functions of Friendships Between Very Young Children

Can peers provide other child experiences of social support, trust, and intimacy Do children who grew up together sharing the common resources of the child care center have a different kind of social interaction than acquaintances Do cross-sex peers and cross-ethnic peers who became friends in the context of child care form nontraditional relationships Each of these questions describes a potential function of friendship experiences of social support, trust, and intimacy a context for mastering social interaction and a context for engaging with children who are unlike the self. The first of these functions has received the most research attention research on the third function is just emerging. Friendships Provide Experiences of Social Support, Trust, and Intimacy We expect that older children or adolescents derive feelings of social support, trust, and intimacy from their relationships with friends (Howes, 1996). It is difficult to directly apply these constructs to the friendships of...

The Power of Friendship

Friends can enrich your life and help you to heal. Maybe they can even help you live longer. In a fascinating study of a group of elderly Australians, researchers found that friends, not family, were the most important factor in survival. This research is not conclusive and does not address friendship in cancer survivors, but it is interesting to consider how one's relationships with others might impact health and healing. One thing that is clear is that people with strong social networks have an improved quality of life. needs, so it is good to have supportive friends who are different from each other. Perhaps you have a friend who offers you helpful practical suggestions about the issues you are facing and another friend who plans fun outings and a third friend who thoroughly enjoys the role of service and helps you with chores and errands. Good friends are special, and each one has unique qualities that can help you during this time of recovery. Although it might seem impossible to...

Qualitative Understanding of Adolescent Friendships

As described in this chapter, implications from our own qualitative research (Way, 1998 Way & Pahl, 1999) suggest that longitudinal studies would also benefit from the inclusion of a qualitative component aimed at understanding the experiences of friendships themselves. Indeed, our qualitative findings indicate that what some presume to be the typical friendship patterns of adolescent boys (based primarily on survey research) inadequately represents the types of friendships that, at the very least, urban, ethnically diverse adolescent boys from low-income families actually experience or desire. We believe that such qualitative findings have significant implications for future studies of adolescents' friendships, and development more broadly. By relying exclusively on survey research for descriptions of adolescent processes, resulting theoretical predictions and explanations of such processes may be based on insufficient grounding. Taking into account participants' voices and personal...

When the Children Cannot Yet Talk About Friendships

We define an affective relationship as one that includes feelings of affection or what would be called love in adult-child relationships. Toddler affective relationships have attributes of friendship common to the 'best friendships' which provide older children with emotional security and closeness (Howes, 1996 Howes, with Unger et al., 1992). These early friendship relationships appear to be formed in a way similar to adult-child attachment relationships (Howes, 1996). In the following section, we will examine supports for these assumptions about early friendship formation. In a similar manner to the research on structural complexity of peer interaction, the friendship studies began with the collection of observational data. Since toddler-age children cannot report on their friendships, we must use behaviors to distinguish friendship relationships from playmate relationships in prelinguistic children. This results in some discontinuity in research about friendships because later...

Friendship As Affective Relationships

Up until this point in this chapter we have been discussing how children construct social skills and peer group social structure. We have been (almost) acting as if all dyadic relationships within the peer group were interchangeable. That is that dyads are created at random and that every possible dyad in the classroom interacts in a similar manner. And this is, of course, not true. Even the earliest of studies of the construction of peer interaction among infants (Lee, 1973) noted that babies seemed to form early preferences. And sociometric inquiry rests on the premise of differential preferences within the peer group. But are early friendships affective relationships or merely preferences Friendships are relationships based on mutual support, affection, and companionship. School age children can articulate these qualities of friendship and tell an adult whether a friendship does or does not have these qualities. Infants and toddlers and even preschoolers do not have the verbal and...

Chronic Illness And Friendship

For a young person with a chronic rheumatic disease like juvenile idiopathic arthritis (JIA), maintaining friendships outside the family may pose The relationship between friendship and social activity is not always straightforward however. A Canadian study (6) reported that young people with physical disabilities between the ages of 11 and 16 were less socially active and involved in fewer intimate relationships despite reporting good self-esteem, strong family relationships, and many close friends compared to national statistics. Other factors may therefore be relevant. Adolescents with JIA have reported increased social support from parents and teachers, which could perhaps be interpreted as having a potentially negative impact on the development of social activities. Overprotectiveness by parents, teachers, and health professionals often results in a delay in the development of self-advocacy, separation from family, as well as the challenging of authority, all of which are...

Influence of Parenting on Friendship

As children develop, they spend increasing amounts of time alone and with friends. Particularly during adolescence, there is a dramatic drop in the amount of time teens spend with their parents. Despite these changes in time allocation, research indicates that parents influence interactions with peers. Children and adolescents bring many qualities to their friendships that develop early in life as a result of socialization experiences in the family. Researchers find that children and adolescents from warm, supportive families are more socially competent and report more positive friendships. Further, there is evidence that parental responsiveness lessens the effects of negative peer influences. For example, an adolescent with a close friend who uses drugs is at risk primarily if the adolescent's parents are cold, detached, and disinclined to monitor and supervise the adolescent's activities. Research also suggests that adolescents without close friends are more influenced by families...

Summary of Quality of Friendships Qualitative Data

Similar to what the research literature has suggested (Savin-Williams & Berndt, 1990), shared secrets were a critical part of the experience of closeness for the adolescents in our studies. Contrary to the existing literature on friendships, however, shared secrets or the desire to share secrets was just as important for boys as for girls. Perhaps among adolescents who come from more interdependent cultures (e.g., poor and working class, African American, Latino, and Asian American families), sharing the intimate details of one's life with close friends is more normative than among adolescents who come from more autonomy-focused cultures (e.g., European American, middle-class families). It is also possible that our findings are more a product of methodology than of sample demographics. The ways in which we conduct qualitative research entails creating a safe space for young people to share their thoughts and feelings and encouraging them to speak about what they find most meaningful...


Friends are people who feel affection for one another and enjoy spending time together. Reciprocity characterizes the nature of most friendships. Friends typically have mutual regard for one another, exhibit give-and-take in their behaviors, and benefit in comparable ways from their social interaction. The formation, nature, and effects of friendship all change as children develop. Despite these changes, having friends is important to children's overall development, and friendship has an impact on children's social, emotional, and cognitive growth.

Why the eighth colour of the rainbow

This book sets out to show that there is no autistic behaviour left to manage when the use of understanding and unconditional love leads to meaningful interaction, shared understanding and friendship. It is, then, that autism relinquishes its role of representing the whole person and becomes just the eighth colour of the rainbow.

Grand Theories of Adolescent Development

Others have expanded these challenges to include autonomy, sexuality, intimacy, achievement, and identity. In many cultural groups, these challenges translate into more specific tasks, including (1) changing the nature of the relationship between youth and their parents so that the youth can take on a more ''mature'' role in the social fabric of their community (in white American culture this change often takes the form of greater independence from parents and greater decision-making power over one's own current and future behaviors in other cultures this change can take the form of greater responsibility for family support and increased participation in community decision making) (2) exploring changing social-sexual roles and identities (3) transforming peer relationships into deeper friendships and intimate partnerships (4) exploring personal and social identities (5) focusing some of this identity work on making future life plans and (6) participating in a series of experiences and...

Learning from the autistics perception of autism

All over the world (my own home included) live people who have been diagnosed with 'autism continuum' (from low functioning to high functioning). Whether they were born with it or whether something 'caused' it, these people live in an 'autistic reality',11 which is the prime cause of their behaviour. People who behave in an autistic way need love, respect and help - in this order. After spending thousands of hours trying to relate to them, I came to believe that the only way in which we can truly understand that reality would be to experience it. Having said that, I also came to experience true friendship, fun and reassuring companionship, unconditional help and acceptance from my autistic friends, as well as enjoying meaningful communication, without actually experiencing the autistic reality.

Autism is not an impediment to social interaction

The child whom I feared would never make his own friends did make his own friends. The question changed from 'Can he make friends ' to 'What makes a good friend ', 'What makes him miss a friend ' and 'Where can I find more people like the ones whom he really bonds with '

How could an aloof child seek social interaction

I was half-afraid that if I did not take Alexander to playgroup I would be denying him the opportunity to form and develop social skills. Equally I couldn't see how he would make friends in the playgroup set-up when he failed to play with his brother and sister. How could an aloof child seek social interaction I gave in to my fear and enrolled him in the same playgroup as his elder brother. As I suspected, he made no attempt to make friends. The children who approached him in the beginning soon stopped.

Building Trust and Connecting with the Child

It is important to find at least one other child for a student to attach to (someone accepting). For all children, especially those with special needs, having a friend makes all the difference in the world and can save the day. Children with ADHD often have significant difficulty making and keeping friends. Teachers will find themselves in the role of facilitator, trying to find a friend for this child.

Providing Alexander with pleasant and meaningful social interaction9

Once again I chose to believe otherwise and this is why. As I watched the other children interacting I could see every child - from shy to boisterous -socialising during a day's session. I watched the making of their first little friendships and witnessed some 'falling out arguments'. They decided the people with whom they would make friends and those with whom they would not play. Their development had a flow. Compared with those children, Alexander's behaviour resembled that of 'well-established loner grump'. Alexander was happiest when left alone or when he could play with his favourite toy. His ability to co-operate (nearly non-existent in the first instance) vanished as soon as the Brio trains were displayed. Alexander wanted to build the entire track alone and was unable to cope with other children helping, touching or taking parts of the railway.

The Value of Mentorship

As soon as school ended for summer vacation, Dan called Peter and asked if he could come in to visit. It was a thirty-minute drive from his home to the restaurant, but his parents agreed to transport him. Once each month Peter allowed Dan to come in. First Dan observed, but gradually Peter allowed him to assume certain tasks. Dan loved it Peter and the rest of the cooking staff began to include Dan in their exchanges of music and in their friendship.

The difference between a standard therapy or playroom and the playinteraction room

Furthermore shared attention is an act of will during which our learning occurs naturally. We recognise it as curiosity. I have never heard of anyone who could enforce curiosity upon a child through restraining his behaviour or confining him within a teaching environment. This is why the interaction room is always open and the volunteer friend follows the child's agenda. When the child leaves the room his friend leaves with him (if invited) or waits for the child to return. Whoever enters the interaction room (parent, therapist or volunteer helper) carries the intention of sharing and building a relationship based on friendship.

Support groups for children with cancer

Many pediatric hospitals have ongoing support groups for children with cancer. Often these are run by experienced pediatric social workers, who know how to balance fun with sharing feelings. For many children, these groups are the only place where they feel completely accepted, where most of the other kids are bald and have to take lots of medicine. The group is a place where children or adolescents can say how they really feel, without worrying that they are causing their parents more pain. Many children form wonderful and lasting friendships in peer groups.

Face your fear and use it

You can only explain and or share reasoning through teaching cause and effect to a person who is willing to listen. Explaining is not the same as 'telling off' (see shared attention, p.78). By the time these children used my home as a shelter they were tired of being told off. They wanted explanations and they wanted friendship.

Observing More Subtle Forms of Anger Expression Among Children

We developed this laboratory task as a way to try to observe what we call social aggression, the more subtle ways that children, perhaps girls in particular, might express anger and contempt toward one another (see Cairns, Cairns, Neckerman, Ferguson, & Gariepy, 1989). Social aggression consists of disdainful facial expressions, negative evaluation gossip, exclusionary behavior, or friendship manipulation (Galen & Underwood, 1997). Social aggression is directed toward damaging another's friendships or social status, and may take direct forms such as verbal rejection, negative facial expressions or body movements, or more indirect forms such as slanderous rumors or social exclusion. We chose the term because it aptly describes a class of behaviors that belong together because they serve the same function in ongoing social interaction to hurt another person by doing harm to her self-concept or social standing. Although many of the behaviors thought to be socially aggressive (such as...

Developmental Origins and Outcomes of Social Aggression

As a first step toward answering some of these questions, we are beginning a large, longitudinal study of 300 children and their families beginning when the children are 9 years old. Our overarching goal is to understand developmental origins and outcomes related to social aggression. We are measuring children's social aggression in laboratory observational studies, and also using peer nominations, teacher reports, parent reports, friend reports and self-reports. We seek to refine definitions of social aggression, to understand which behaviors do and do not belong in this construct describing behaviors that harm friendships and social status by using multiple measures to assess social aggression in different social contexts. We acknowledge that most aggressive behaviors hurt in more than one way and serve multiple goals, and that children who behave aggressively likely hurt peers in multiple ways. We believe that at particular points in development, both social and physical aggression...

Key Areas Affected by Persistent Pain in Adolescents

As education and independence suffers so the peer relationships and social integration falls away. Previously popular young people become introverted and unwilling to communicate with friends and colleagues. Friendship groups can be challenging at this age for those who are well and at school full time it is so much harder if you have a condition that is difficult to label and explain. Friends often stop making contact and move on.

The role of a volunteer friend

Inviting volunteers into our home was the best present I could have given my son. It was a gift of love and future social skills. Thanks to their time, effort and understanding, Alexander transformed into a child who enjoys interaction. Unlike age peers, volunteer helpers could model what friendship is all about

Influence of Friends on One Another

As children grow older, their conception of friendship may change. Younger children tend to view friends in terms of rewards and costs older children begin to look at friends using emotional terms, such as loyalty and trust. (O'Brien Productions Corbis) As children grow older, their conception of friendship may change. Younger children tend to view friends in terms of rewards and costs older children begin to look at friends using emotional terms, such as loyalty and trust. (O'Brien Productions Corbis)

And High Functioning Autism at Home

Parenting a child with AS-HFA can be a challenging role. You already spend a lot of time and energy managing your child's treatment, coordinating your child's education, and serving as social coach in your child's friendships and extended-family relationships. At home, things should be easier. Often, however, they are not. The unique characteristics of children with AS-HFA can make their interactions with the immediate family and day-to-day household functioning just as challenging as school, social events, and other types of interchange with the outside world.

Getting a little help from a friend

This rehabilitation strategy is pretty simple. You start by imagining that a good friend of yours is going through the same kind of problem as you are. Your friend has the same kind of thoughts as you do about the problem. Now imagine your friend sitting across from you. You feel empathy for your friend, and you want to help.

Marriage and identity

The general and most important characteristic of happy couples is that they 'like' each other they are 'best friends' and confidants. When they talk to other people of what they do, they tend to say 'we' rather than 'I'. Nevertheless, they value interdependence. It is important to understand the meaning of this word. It does not mean that they are simply dependent on each other, nor does it mean that they are independent of each other. Rather, it means that they respect and enjoy each other's independence but are, nevertheless, somewhat dependent on each other for intimacy. In other words, as the term suggests, they are interdependent.

Receptive language disorder

As a token of friendship, in 1998 I funded the birth of an organisation called, where an internet chat channel symbolically named AutFriends was operated. There I met my many autistic adult friends who subsequently helped me with fine-tuning my understanding of autism. If it wasn't for them, this book could not have been written today and its title would not include The Eighth Colour of the Rainbow. I would have continued to wander aimlessly in search of a cure without understanding what I am supposed to cure.

Self Guided Care Problem Solving

Now that I have the problem clearly in mind, what are potential solutions to this problem To generate solutions, I want to think about as many possible solutions as possible (without thinking why they are good or bad, and without choosing an option at this point). What advice might a good friend give If a friend had this problem, what advice would I give Potential options

Displacedincestuous Triangles

Displaced-incestuous triangles do not involve love (or sex) between members of the same family rather, two family members share the same lover (either simultaneously or sequentially). Woody Allen's movie Hannah and Her Sisters was a virtual celebration of interlocking triangles and emotions. In the film, the two key triangles involve Hannah (Mia Farrow), who is portrayed as happy, mature, and envied by her two sisters. Hannah's husband (Michael Caine) lusts after her beautiful and sexy sister Lee (Barbara Hershey), who succumbs to his advances. (In the end, it turns out that he really loved Hannah all along and he stays with her.) Meanwhile, Hannah fixes up her previous husband (Woody Allen) with her coked-up discombobulated sister Holly (Dianne Wiest), with disastrous results. This misadventure is later redeemed when Holly and the ex-husband accidentally meet again, fall in love, and decide to marry. Essentially, then, each of Hannah's sisters sleeps with one of her husbands. (And...

Summary of the Family Context

Previous attachment and social support-based research with predominantly White, middle-class adolescents, coupled with our own research with urban, low SES, ethnic minority youth indicate attachment-like associations between the quality of mother and or family relationships and adolescent friendships. However, our research also suggests patterns of compensatory associations between mother and friendship support that are as likely to exist among the adolescents in our studies as attachmentlike associations. Longitudinal and mixed method research with European American adolescents and middle to upper SES ethnic minority youth is thus warranted to elucidate whether this combination of compensatory and attachment-based patterns is evident in other populations of youth. Corroborating the existing research on ethnic minority youth (see Updegraff et al., 2001), our research shows that ethnic minority adolescents' perceptions of father support is not linked with perceptions of friendship...

The Neighborhood Context

Recent studies have indicated that friendship experiences vary depending on the quality and characteristics of the neighborhood (Berg & Medrich, 1980 DuBois & Hirsch, 1990 Epstein, 1989) Homel & Burns, 1989). Children, for example, living in neighborhoods with easily accessible play spaces have more contact with friends outside of school and more friends in general than those who live in neighborhoods without such places (Berg & Medrich, 1980 Homel & Burns, 1989). Similarly, youth residing in dangerous neighborhoods with a high prevalence of violence tend to have fewer neighborhood friends and less contact with their friends outside of school than their peers who live in less violent neighborhoods (Rosenbaum, 20 003 Way, 1998). Neighborhood climate has also been shown to influence friendship satisfaction. For example, in their study of urban low-income early adolescents, Homel and Burns (1989) found neighborhood social problems (e.g., crime, delinquency) to predict lower levels of...

Summary of the Neighborhood Context

Quantitative and qualitative research on the links between neighborhoods and adolescent friendships has consistently found neighborhoods to influence the ways in which adolescents obtain, engage, and maintaining friendships with peers (Brooks-Gunn et al., 1993 Jencks & Mayer, 1990 Seidman, 1991). In our own research, however, when adolescent perceptions of the neighborhood climate were considered in combination with the effects of family and school contexts, the relative influence of neighborhood climate on adolescent friendship quality was lost. Such findings underscore the limitations of evaluating contextual influences in isolation. It is also possible, as our qualitative data suggest, that although the neighborhood climate may indeed influence the extent to which adolescents choose to spend time with friends outside of school, it may have less of an affect on adolescents' perceptions of friendship quality of their friendships. Strikingly, our quantitative analyses have suggested...

Critical Issues during Adolescence and Adulthood

Skills to make it easier for your maturing child to navigate higher education and the workplace. Most of the accommodations we recommended in Chapter 7 will continue to help in high school and college. Many of the tricks we offered in Chapter 6 to make home life easier will benefit your teen or adult child when he or she lives in a different residential setting. Most of the suggestions for easing social awkwardness and making friendships we discussed in Chapter 8 will still apply.

Joining a Support Group

Don't go by what others, including your best friends, think about particular support groups. Instead, find out for yourself. Take a test drive of a support group before joining up by attending a meeting, observing what happens, and seeing whether you think that you'd feel comfortable as a member. You may also find considerable help with an online group, where you don't have to find babysitters, go out in the rain or blizzard, and so forth.

Promoting Social Opportunities

College will provide your adult child with numerous opportunities to further develop his or her social skills. There are many settings in college where social skills are taught at a more academic level. For example, classes in speech communication and drama emphasize how best to communicate, how to convey emotion, and how to read other people's response to you. Sociology and psychology classes can provide insight into the way others work and the rules underlying human behavior. An abundance of special interest groups, ranging from rock group fan clubs to star-gazing societies, provide opportunities for socialization within the comfort of an area of interest. Responding to the increasing presence of students with AS-HFA on college campuses, the administrative offices or student bodies of many colleges are developing autism spectrum disorder friendship or support groups.

Joining forces with other parents

Through the Maternal and Child Health Centre you can connect with other new parents in your area. In most places the maternal and child health nurse organises information sessions for groups of new parents. When the formal sessions come to an end, a group often continues to meet on a regular basis and for many new parents such groups are a great source of support and possibly lifelong friendships.

Table 198 Characteristics of Avoidant Personality Disorder

Dependent persons act in submissive ways, so as to encourage others to take care of them or take char ge of the situation. Such individuals need lots of encouragement and advice from others and would much rather turn over responsibility for their decisions to someone else. Where should they live, what schools should they attend, what courses should they take, with whom should they make friends The dependent personality has great dif ficulty making such decisions, an seeks out r eassurance from others. However, such a person tends to seek advice about even minor decisions, such as whether to carry an umbrella today, what color clothes to wear , and what entree to order at a restaurant. The dependent person rarely takes the initiative.

Case Illustration

Jason, a 17-year-old white male, was referred to us for treatment by his parents due to concerns about his mood and academic performance. Jason, who was in an honors program, had erratic and declining grades, and was in danger of having to repeat the school year. At intake he manifested depressed mood, anhedonia, hypersomnia, and social withdrawal. He had been dropping all his friendships. He acknowledged feeling lonely but minimized this.

Niobe Way Bronwyn E Becker Melissa L Greene

Theory and research have repeatedly underscored the importance of friendships in satisfying adolescents' desire for intimacy enhancing their interpersonal skills, sensitivity, and understanding and contributing to their cognitive and social development and psychological adjustment (Crockett, Losoff, & Petersen, 1984 Csikszentmihalyi & Larson, 1984 Hartup, 1996 Savin-Williams & Berndt, 1990). During adolescence, the significance of friendships becomes even more paramount as adolescents begin to spend increased time with their friends (Crockett et al., 1984). However, despite the fact that friendships appear critical for all adolescents (Hinde, 1987 Patterson, Dishion, & Yoerger, 2000 Sherer, 1991), few studies have examined these processes among ethnic minority adolescents. Indeed, the vast majority of research on friendships has been conducted with White, middle-class adolescents, raising questions about the generalizability of findings to ethnic minority and or poor and working class...

The Organismic Worldview

Middle childhood brings a respite to the child, a time Freud called the latency stage. According to Freud, from age five to thirteen children's efforts are directed at establishing same-sex friendships, strengthening ties with parents, and meeting the social and intellectual demands imposed by school and society.

ADHD and the Impact on the Family

Frequently, the family must deal with social issues, such as the exclusion of the child from out-of-school activities and so forth. It is painful when your child is not invited to birthday parties or has difficulty finding someone to play with and keeping friends. Siblings are often resentful or jealous of the central role their ADHD sibling plays in the family's schedule, routines, and activities, as well as the extra time and special treatment he or she receives. In addition, siblings are acutely aware of and feel hurt and embarrassed when their brother or sister has acquired a negative reputation in the neighborhood and school.

Peer Social Influence

One important recent advance in the study of peer influence is the change in emphasis from establishing that peer influence is important in the initiation or maintenance of negative behaviors to an emphasis on factors that actually mediate or moderate that influence. By maintaining a focus on the peer group as the context in which influence takes place, researchers have learned much about the factors that contribute (or not) to children's decisions to give in to peer pressure. For example, there are differential effects of peer smoking based on how close the friendship is while the influence of a best friend's smoking has been shown to be a strong predictor of adolescent smoking, the influence of the social crowd to which adolescents belong is minimal (Urberg, 1992). An important direction for future research is the extension of peer influence research to younger age groups. Most of this research has focused on adolescents, for good reasons. Behaviors investigated in peer pressure...

Gender Development Two Cultures Theory

According to Two Cultures Theory, girls' and boys' groups differ on several dimensions play styles and activity preferences, discourse, friendships, and the size and power of peer groups (Maccoby, 1998). Briefly, girls prefer activities involving turn-taking and cooperation, whereas boys engage in more competitive activities (Crombie & Desjardins, 1993). Although boys and girls' conversational styles are similar in many respects, girls are more likely than boys are to accede to others' wishes to avoid conflicts (Miller, Danaher, & Forbes, 1986), and boys are more likely than girls are to urge each other to take risks and to discuss risqu or antisocial topics (Thorne & Luria, 1986). Although Two Cultures theorists characterize girls' friendships as more intimate and exclusive than boys' are (Maccoby, 1998), peer relations evidence suggests that gender differences may be more complex and that social context may be a powerful determinate of whether boys and girls engage in intimate...

Social Changes Associated with Adolescence in Western Industrialized Countries

Friendships and Peer Groups In part because of the importance of social acceptance during adolescence, friendship networks during this period often are organized into relatively rigid cliques that differ in social status within school and community settings. The existence of these cliques reflects adolescents' need to establish a sense

Closer Look Bullies and Whipping Boys from Childhood to Adulthood

Although the victims, or whipping boys, do not have any external characteristics that appear to set them apart, they do have certain psychological characteristics. Most commonly, victims tend to be anxious, fearful, insecure, and lacking in social skills. They are emotionally vulnerable and may be physically weak as well, making them easy targets who don't fight back. The victims suffer from low self-esteem, lose interest in school, and often show difficulties establishing or maintaining friendships. They seem to lack the social support that might buffer them against bullies. It has been estimated that 10 percent of all schoolchildren are

Closer Look The Six Myths of Self Esteem

Self-disclosure, being assertive when necessary, providing emotional support to their friends, and managing interpersonal conflict. The researchers also had the subject's roommates report what the subject was like on each of the above interpersonal skill domains. While the subject's self-esteem scores correlated with all of the self-reported interpersonal skill domains, the correlations between self-esteem and the roommates' ratings were essentially zero for four out of five of the interpersonal skills. The only interpersonal skill area that the roommates noticed that was associated with self-esteem was the subject's ability to initiate new social contacts and friendships. This does seem to be the one area in which the confidence associated with self-esteem really matters. People who think that they are desirable and attractive should be good at striking up conversations with strangers. Persons with low self-esteem may shy away from trying to make new friends, perhaps fearing...

Experiments in voluntary death Ketamine research study

I took some K powder with a few very good friends of mine. It was summer and we were sitting on top of a roof garden. The weather was really amazing, very bright, very sunny. The first effects came up very quickly, a few minutes after the last line. I bent my head on my friend Bua's shoulders, who was sitting close to me, ready to go for the trip. I remember I was looking at his long dreadlocks hair before closing my eyes and this was also the first image of my ketamine trip . . . suddenly I found myself travelling inside his hair at high speed towards the roots. The hair became a tunnel, which was getting darker and darker. Patterns then appeared one after the other, very quickly. Once I came to the end of tunnel I saw an open sepulchre. This was the most interesting and fascinating part of the experience. I looked inside but I couldn't see anything because it was very dark. I heard a child crying. The cry was coming from the inside. I had the absolute conviction of having travelled...

Biological Changes Associated with Puberty

These kinds of cognitive changes also affect individuals' self-concepts, thoughts about their future, and understanding of others. Many theorists have suggested that the adolescent years are a time of change in children's self-concepts, as they consider what possibilities are available to them and try to come to a deeper understanding of themselves in the social and cultural contexts in which they live. In a culture that stresses personal choice in life planning, these concerns and interests also set the stage for personal and social identity formation focused on life planning issues such as those linked to educational, occupational, recreational, and marital choices. Finally, as adolescents become more interested in understanding the psychological characteristics of others, friendships become based more on perceived similarities in these characteristics.

History Of Tobacco

Example, tobacco was used for seasonal ceremonies, for sealing friendships, preparing for war, predicting good weather or good fishing, planting, courting, consulting spirits, and preparing magical cures. The desired effects of tobacco were a trance state, achieved by using the leaves in various ways, including smoking, chewing, snuffing, drinking (tobacco juice or tea), licking, and administering enemas.

The Impact Of Cancer On Relationships

Several studies have compared relationship quality in cancer survivors to various control groups, both population-based and other. With few exceptions, the outcome of focus has been the partner relationship. In one of the earliest studies of this type, no differences in satisfaction with relationships with family or friends, or marital status were found between a mixed sample of 339 long-term (more than 3 years post-treatment), disease-free cancer survivors compared to national age-adjusted data.30 In a more recent study specific to long-term testicular cancer survivors, no differences were found in separation or divorce rates compared to matched controls, and cancer survivors reported fewer negative changes in friendships compared to controls.31 In an older study, also conducted with testicular cancer survivors, levels of satisfaction with the partner relationship were higher in survivors compared to age-matched controls.32 Breast cancer survivors (between 6 and 57 months...

Marion K Underwood Lara Mayeux Mikal Galperin

For more than a decade, our research group has been fascinated with how girls and boys manage anger in their peer interactions during the age range of middle childhood. To set the context for our current empirical work, this introduction will describe how our approach emerges from studies within the peer relations tradition, but also from work on emotion regulation and research on gender development. The chapter will next discuss previous research on children's peer relations during middle childhood children's friendships, networks, and the correlates and determinants of peer status. The majority of the chapter will present some of our current theoretical and empirical work on the following topics the relation between peer status and children's choices for expressing and controlling emotions, observational research on anger and aggression, and important future directions for enhancing our understanding of girls' and boys' peer worlds. Research in the area of peer relations has...

How Does Bipolar Disorder Impact Children

Youth with bipolar disorder may also experience difficulty with peer relationships, including social isolation, teasing, and frequent conflict with other children. If they exhibit impulsive or aggressive behaviors, they may have difficulty making or sustaining friendships. Children and adolescents may miss social cues or misinterpret the intentions of others (e.g., thinking that other children are being mean when they are not) and may feel very anxious about interacting with others. They may also feel emotionally overwhelmed by social demands and may avoid or withdraw from peers.

Sources of Strength and Buffers of Race Related Stressors

Religion has been theorized to be an adaptive coping mechanism that has enabled African Americans to transcend the limitations and harshness of their social realities and to give meaning and direction to their individual and collective existence. During the 1980s, nearly 70 percent of African Americans reported themselves to be members of a church. Churches provide informal support (e.g., friendship, companionship, advice and comfort, help during illness, financial assistance), formal services (e.g., meals on wheels, transportation, group outings and vacations, ministerial counseling), and moral guidance. Religiosity and church membership enhance self-esteem partly as a consequence of the perception that one is held in high regard by other believers and by an omnipotent divine other who makes his her presence felt in one's life. Religiosity also buffers the negative psychological effects of stress. Having a mother who seeks spiritual support is one of several factors that...

The Eccentric Cluster Ways of Being Different

The schizoid personality is split of f (schism), or detached, from normal social r ela-tions. The schizoid person simply appears to have no need or desire for intimate relationships or even friendships. Family life usually does not mean much to such people, and they do not obtain satisfaction from being part of a group. They have few or no close friends, and they would rather spend time by themselves than with others. They typically choose hobbies that can be done and appreciated alone, such as stamp collecting. They also typically choose solitary jobs, often with mechanical or abstract tasks, such as machinists or computer programmers. Usually , the schizoid personality experiences little pleasure from bodily or sensory experiences, such as eating or having sex. The person's emotional life is typically constricted.

Nerve cells versus brain systems

Even within the medical school, varying perspectives and tensions based on the history and traditions of different disciplines were apparent as I settled into my role as a junior faculty member. I had paid little attention to such issues as a postdoc at Harvard or University College London, but these matters were now relevant. In 1973, the integration of neuroscientists from such traditional departments as physiology, anatomy, or biochemistry into a single department of neurobiology was still unique to Kuffler's department at Harvard, which had been established in 1966. This evolutionary change, based on the growing importance of neuroscience, had not yet come to Washington University, so a significant factor in whom you were likely to discuss science with over lunch or in the hall depended very much on the department you were in. Medical students had to be taught the full range of physiology, so the Department of Physiology and Biophysics that Hunt put together included people who...

Processes Of Change Model

Contemplators intend to take action in the next 6 months. Awareness of the pros of changing increase, but the cons also increase. Once clients intend to stop substance abuse, they confront the costs or cons. ''Am I ready to give up my substance of choice that has been a good friend Am I prepared to pay the price of time, effort, emotion and the risk of failure '' A delicate balance between the pros and cons produces a profound ambivalence that causes some people to procrastinate. The love-hate relationship with their ''good friend'' can fool therapists into assuming that these clients are ready for immediate action. In fact, their rule of thumb is, ''When in doubt, don't act '' The goal for these clients is to progress to preparation. Their perception of the cons of quitting must change. They may need anticipatory grief counseling during which they mourn the loss of a good friend. They need to reevaluate how they think and feel about themselves as an addict and how they imagine...

When my brother got cancer

The thing that made this a graced experience was the fact that it enabled me to be very close to my brother as we grew up. My brother and I are now good friends and are able to talk and share our experiences with each other. I don't think that we would have this same relationship if he never had leukemia, and I think that has been a very positive outcome. Another thing that has been a positive outcome of this event is the people I've been able to meet. Through all the support groups, camps, and events for children with cancer and their siblings, I have met some people with more courage and more heart than anyone could imagine. In no way am I saying that I'm glad my brother had cancer, but I will say I'm very glad with some of the outcomes from it.

Rehearsals For Love Crushes Infatuations Flirtations And Fantasies

Though they may find a range of satisfactions in one-sided crushes, adolescents hunger even more for intense relationships and those that, because they are reciprocal, may yield real experience and intimacy. These are the years of progressively forming new identifications outside the nuclear family, and one major means of doing so is by taking one's measure in intense friendships. Adolescents idealize their friends and imitate their dress and mannerisms, their swagger and cool. Parents are sometimes saddened because they feel the loss of their children's idealization and see the admiration and authority that had been vested

Is my child aloof or is he feeling lonely

During those days I was unable to find information from autistic adults. I remember thinking, 'Where is the adult population of autistics ' I came across a student manual, Autism Explaining the Enigma (Frith 1989), and avidly read it. A picture diagram explained how a child with autism is unable to show friendship (because of lack of empathy) and it introduced a new term that read 'aloof'. I religiously underlined everything that applied to Alexander, hoping that by the end of the book for every 'problem' I could find I would also find a 'solution'. Instead, after I finished reading the book I felt emotionally shattered, as if I had entered a maze without an exit. After all, this was a manual that helped to diagnose a condition, not 'cure' it.

The Process Of Affiliation

Affiliation is a process, not a single, unitary happening within AA. Its elements and phases act to select and make ready certain alcoholics and problem drinkers for affiliation, leaving behind others with less readiness. The process begins before the problem drinker ever goes to a meeting (Trice, 1957). If the person has heard favorable hearsay about AA if long-time drinking friendships have faded if no will-power models of self-quitting have existed in the immediate background and if the drinker has formed a habit of often sharing troubles with others the stage is set for affiliation. It is further enhanced if, upon first attending meetings, the person has had experiences leading to the decision that the troubles associated with drinking far outweigh the pleasures of drinking (i.e., ''hitting bottom''). Typically, this means that affiliates, contrasted with nonaffiliates, had a longer and more severe history of alcoholism and those with more severe alcohol problems are more likely...

Dominantsubmissive Adaptations Among Couples

In addition to their almost ritualized roles and rationalizations, they also contrived to have a good friend in attendance most of the time. This was sometimes his mentor, sometimes a soulful friend of one or the other, but always someone who cared for them both and perceived them as a loving couple. This third party was part confessor, part conciliator, but in whatever capacity served a strategic function to validate the existence of their love should their own belief in it ever waiver. While this maneuver appears to triangulate the relationship, its mode was not Oedipal that is, the third person was never a potential rival for either of them. Instead he (or she) served the roles of externalized conscience and guarantor of the relationship. A large part of the couple's psychological investment was in the couple itself, in the we they presented to the world.

Cherishing your child

Open your heart to your child and figure out for yourself what your child would want you to provide for him, so the communication bridge between your parallel worlds grows solid and long lasting. This book is dedicated to all the people who wish to befriend and feel the joy of friendship when

Protective and Risk Factors

Petencies may influence their responses. For instance, children who attribute negative events in their lives to internal, stable, and global characteristics (e.g., ''I failed a test because I am stupid''), and who feel a lack of control over important outcomes in their lives show increased vulnerability to depression in response to stress. In contrast, high levels of academic and social competence, high self-esteem, and adaptive coping styles may help children to deal effectively with stress, thereby protecting them against negative consequences. External resources, such as the presence of a supportive family environment or strong friendships, also may buffer children from the harmful effects of stress, but this possibility needs to be explored further before definitive conclusions can be drawn. Children's responses to stress also may differ according to their gender and their age. Some research has shown that girls and boys display different types of vulnerability. In particular,...

Friends are so important

A welcome break from the highly charged family situation, and help keep some sort of normality in your life. I went to see Monica, who was not only a very good friend, but also the mum's representative for Joe's class at school. Talking to Monica for the next two hours was akin to having a verbal massage. She reassured me that I was doing all the right things and sympathised with the agony we must be going through. Two cups of tea and much discussion later we were on to much more light hearted topics and I felt normality returning to my mind albeit for a short period of time. I gave Monica a letter to distribute to all the other mums in the class. Monica had been inundated with calls enquiring after Joe. Monica was not sure how much to give away, so the easiest thing was for me to write a letter stating all the facts. It seems that there is still a fear of eating disorders and for some it is a taboo subject.

Results and Discussion

These findings indicate that this game task was successful in eliciting elements of social aggression. Reliable coding was possible even for subtle facial expressions. Although we recognize that not all types of socially aggressive behaviors could be observed in this setting (particularly aspects related to manipulating friendship patterns), some of the specific behaviors observed in response to an unpleasant stranger may be similar to those involved in social exclusion among friends, such as not responding to what a person says or does (ignoring) or exhibiting disdainful facial expressions (Olweus, 1991). Girls' responses to interview questions after the game indicated that the method was successful the confederate was not well-liked by the participants. The participants found her to be mean rather than nice, and indicated that she made them moderately angry. Participants' descriptions of their overall impressions of the confederate were also predominantly negative. An important...

Inter Vention Description

Afterward, the chosen aspects are held jointly. Probably, some aspects would turn up related to some characteristics as personal qualities and affections (friendly, kind, charming mother, shy ) as well as (professional careers, social life features such as being a good neighbor, good friend, nice partner, etc).

What Your Childs Therapist Can Offer

As with interventions in the schools summarized in the last chapter, there are some basic principles for teaching social skills that capitalize on your child's strengths. We summarize these principles and give you examples of how they might be implemented in a therapy group in the box on page 192. Social skills training for children with AS-HFA should break down the complex social behaviors that most children learn automatically into concrete steps and rules that can be memorized and practiced in a variety of settings. Abstract concepts, like friendships, thoughts, and feelings, should be introduced through visual, tangible, hands-on activities as much as possible. For example, the therapist might hold a cardboard arrow at the side of your child's face, pointed at the person to whom he is speaking, to help him learn and practice eye contact. Written schedules use your child's natural reading abilities to help him or her transition from one task to another while minimizing anxiety. A...

Parental Relationships and Childrens Peer Relations

In addition to influencing social cognitions and providing instructive advice, other important ways mothers influence children's friendships in positive and negative ways include acting as managers of social opportunities and becoming involved in children's social lives (Hartup, 1979 Parke, 1978). For example, children with mothers who arrange opportunities for peer interaction are more likely to have larger peer networks, and to engage in more frequent play with friends than those having mothers with less involvement (Ladd & Golter, 1988). However, it is unclear from existing research what level of maternal involvement is optimal. We know some about the negative effects of mothers who are not involved in children's social lives, but much less about the effects of mothers becoming over-involved in peer relations. Could mothers who become enmeshed in children's peer relationships promote negative behaviors such as social aggression as a consequence of being overly invested in their...

Depression and Anxiety

During adolescence (and sometimes earlier), many children who were previously oblivious to or even content with their lack of social connections start to experience distress. In childhood, much of friendship consists solely of acting as playmates and engaging in activities, such as sports or video games, together. During adolescence, however, the very nature of friendship changes in several ways that can challenge young people with AS-HFA. Friendships become more sophisticated and complex, with an increasing emphasis on trust, mutual sharing of personal information, and common or admired personality characteristics. These changes in the nature of friendship often increase the social difficulties encountered by adolescents with AS-HFA. These problems are compounded by the burgeoning self-awareness and the ability to make comparisons between the self and others that develop during adolescence. Feeling excluded or irreparably different can and often does lead to depression among...

A strict need for accuracy

My quest for Alexander's friendship was long and littered with mistakes. My mistakes stemmed from my lack of understanding and my desire to see him 'normal'. If you wish to save yourself time and unnecessary heartache, please don't repeat my mistakes. Your child can learn to behave 'normal'9 but the quality of his life is more important than what his behaviour 'looks' like. Alexander's progress could be best described as a 'roller-coaster of changes' and my emotions as a 'roller-coaster ride', taking me from despair to joy, from anger to peace, from lack of knowledge to knowledge and from no hope to equanimity.

Lineage Analysis by Single Cell Injection of Fluorescent Dextran

Labeling single cells in ovo by intracellular injection is not the sort of technique that can easily be learned by simply reading about it. It is much better to see the technique in action. This account will assume a basic understanding of intracellular recording technology and electrophysiological technique. If you do not have this, then make friends with a pharmacologist or neurophysiologist.

Endings And Breaks In Communication Therapeutic Relationships

Mattison and Pistrang (2000) highlight how adults with learning disabilities have limited social networks and may rely on staff members for friendship, including emotional support, and, due to the nature of some disabilities (i.e. additional physical disabilities) and service support (e.g. shift patterns and staffing ratios), there may be difficulties in enabling service users to build other socially supportive networks. They go on to discuss in detail how service users may then feel the trauma of the loss of these significant relationships which were not ended in the most appropriate manner and that due to limited means of expression, this could lead to exaggerated behavioural issues, including withdrawal rather than more overt behavioural expressions of their upset, i.e. exhibiting challenging behaviour. Therefore, it is important to consider how any therapeutic intervention is commenced, worked through and processed, and ended. Two main skills are identified as important to take...

Treatment Strategies for Each Class of Targets

As her self-injurious and therapy-interfering behaviors gradually decreased, more therapy time could be devoted to C. N.'s serious quality-of-life-interfering behaviors. A major one was her total involvement in the drug community. She was strongly encouraged to build a friendship network outside of this subculture to support her commitment not to abuse drugs. Interpersonal effectiveness skills were employed to assist her in asking acquaintances to socialize with her. In addition, a typical day involved going to work, exercising, eating dinner, and going to bed. C. N. often commented that she dreaded each day and looked forward to nothing. In keeping with the overarching treatment goal of building a life worth living, she was strongly encouraged to engage in daily pleasant activities and to be mindful of any positive emotions they occasioned, just in that moment, without worrying about whether she deserved it, whether it was going to last, and so forth (i.e., combining a traditional CT...

Paying for the transplant

When our son needed a transplant for AML, the insurance company kept refusing to pay because they said it was experimental'.' So my wife became good friends with the catastrophic caseworker. The caseworker was extremely helpful. When it was disallowed again, she was upset and called my wife and said, I'm going to tell you how to get this thing approved. She dictated two letters to my wife one for unrelated transplant and one for cord blood. The doctor sent them in, and they quickly approved the unrelated transplant but denied the cord blood again as experimental, although our doctor thought cord blood was his best hope. With some more coaching from the caseworker, a third attempt at

Social Networks Emotions and Gender

In addition to studying dyadic friendships, researchers have also explored the structure and functions of children's larger social networks. With the possible exception of research showing that young adolescents who are aggressive tend to form networks with other aggressive youth (Cairns, Cairns, Neckerman, Gest, & Gariepy, 1988), little research has explored processes of emotion regulation among children's social networks. However, research and theory suggests that children might form networks based on similar styles of emotion management, and also socialize each other in how to manage strong feelings. For example, one study of the relation between children's naturally occurring social networks and their motivation in school found that children formed networks with others of similar academic motivation, but also that network members became more similar over time in their motivation for doing well in school (Kindermann, 1993). Given the centrality of emotion regulation in forming and...

Limitations Controversies and Future Directions

Despite all that is known about social development in the home and the peer context, there is still much to be learned about the bidirectional influences across these two contexts. The works of Ross Parke and Gary Ladd have illuminated some of the linkages from the home to the peer group. For instance, it is known that secure attachment is associated with peer acceptance and quality friendships, while insecure (avoidant or resistant) attachment is related to rejection, having fewer friends, and involvement in aggression (either as the aggressor or victim). Social development in the home appears to contribute to social outcomes with peers through the development of social competence (or incompetence). The impact of the peer context on social behavior in the home, however, is less well known. Previous studies have too often been concurrent (i.e., examining factors in the home and peer group at the same time), preventing the elucidation of temporal primacy (i.e., did home factors precede...

Worksheet 22My Emotional Origins

What do I remember about grade school (Was I happy what did I think about myself how did I do in school what were my friendships like were there any important events ) 4. What do I remember about middle school or junior high school (Was I happy what did I think about myself how did I do in school what were my friendships like were there any important events ) 5. What do I remember about high school (Was I happy what did I think about myself how did I do in school what were my friendships like were there any important events )

Restoring Relationships

Yet, distressing emotions can get in the way of your attempts to improve your relationships. Such emotions can harm friendships, intimate relationships, and even relationships with co-workers or relative strangers. So, along with the obvious ways of working to alleviate your anxiety or depression, shoring up your relationships will also improve your moods.

Maintaining a Healthy Family Attitude Siblings

Some parents find it necessary to set boundaries regarding interaction between an affected sibling and a typical sibling's friends. There's a delicate balance between giving the child with AS-HFA the benefit of social exposure and allowing your typical child to feel independent in his or her friendships. Create certain times when all the children can interact together, for example, by serving a snack or by allowing them to play video games or sports in a group. Also ensure that your typical child has the opportunity to be alone with his or her friends. Some parents find it helpful to make a rule that when children are in common space it is common time, but when friends go into a child's room, it becomes personal time. Respecting your typical child's friendships is important to promote both healthy social development and maintenance of a positive attitude toward the family and affected siblings. There are several books that focus specifically on sibling issues. Siblings of Children...

Problems with Social Interaction Active but

The essence of AS-HFA is difficulty with social interactions, although the striking social impairments of more classic autism, such as extreme remoteness and persistent avoidance of others, rarely appear. Some children, like Lauren, don't go out of their way to start conversations or interact with others but do respond if other people approach them. Other individuals show interest in people and enjoy their company they may even want to join groups and make friends. However, their ability to do so successfully is limited by their difficulty knowing what to do or say in social situations. They may be awkward and unsure during interactions. They may give the impression that they are not interested in the person they are talking to because they don't follow the

Few Key Termsand What They Mean

While they often establish warm, loving relationships and secure bonds with parents, siblings, and understanding adults, most, if not all, individuals with AS-HFA experience difficulty relating to peers of approximately the same age. Some children are teased or bullied, others are ignored by kids, and still others, like Lauren, seem perfectly content with no friends. A few children develop friendships that revolve around shared interests (such as video games), but rarely play anything else together, and the interaction stops when the activity ends. There is usually little of the sharing of secrets and reliance on each other for support that typically develop between friends during the middle childhood years. Many children with autism spectrum disorders report feeling lonely and socially isolated because of such peer difficulties. They are hurt by teasing and often unaware of their unusual behavior or social response that may contribute to the situation. In later childhood or...


A special thank you to David Howkins (the Giant Friend), founder and trustee of Hope-TLC, for his friendship to Alexander, continuous involvement and generosity towards the autistic cause, his words of wisdom and for believing in my dream. My respect and wishes for a fulfilling life go to my autistic friends, Feather, Muskie, Paradox, Seth, Ivo, Elise, Autie, Bexxy, Ian, Naomi, Vic, Alexander, Wolffy, Omy, Waspie and Whilly, for their friendship, patience and extended explanations as I was attempting to make sense of their reality and they tried to make sense of mine.

Food for thought

Talking with, sheltering and finally befriending many autistic people allowed me to witness, decode and enjoy the autistic way of being. This only happened after I learned more about my friends' perceptions of reality. Interacting with them, from a platform of trust and friendship, allowed me both to relate to my own son from a position of understanding and to radically change my perceptions with regard to the skills of social interaction, communication and imagination. This book can guide you - the person who cares - towards what we might term 'an autistic reality'.


Where there seethed all around me a cauldron of lawless loves. I loved not yet, yet I loved to love, and out of a deep-seated want, I hated myself for wanting not. I sought what I might love, in love with loving, and I hated safety . . . To love then, and to be beloved, was sweet to me but more, when I obtained to enjoy the person I loved. I defiled, therefore, the spring of friendship with the filth of concupiscence, and I beclouded its brightness with the hell of lustfulness.

Not Dating

Similar issues exist for gay and lesbian teens. While it is common for the preadolescent teen to be attracted to or develop a crush on someone of the same sex, research indicates that sexual orientation typically emerges by eighteen years of age and that homosexual youth report feeling different at an early age. With far fewer opportunities for dating and minimal support for developing same-sex romantic relationships, teens in this group may be deprived of the opportunity to date those to whom they feel most attracted. This social disapproval may interfere with the development of intimacy, and lack of participation in satisfying relationships may lead to feelings of inadequacy, which could in turn impair development of friendships as well as other relationships later in adulthood. Parents of homosexual teens need to let their children know their love is unconditional as they demonstrate their support and acceptance.

The self

Both aged 26, they had been at university together and now shared a flat. They both had reasonable jobs and had forged a life for themselves with the usual aims and aspirations, vague thoughts of what the future might bring, some reflection on the past and varying degrees of engaging with the day-to-day ups and downs of life. On the day that they were both invited to a party, neither of them was in a relationship.


They are both at university, studying Law. They have an important examination in about a week's time which, in the way of Law exams, will take a great deal of work. They tend to work together or not exactly together, but in parallel. They have very different styles of work even though their abilities are similar.

Is there a solution

Together with adult volunteer play helpers you can help your child develop flexibility through interactive games in the privacy of your own home. Protected from judgements stemming from social conventions, your child will flourish. The following story is meant to show you that your child wants to make friends, but for a friendship to evolve the friend has to be flexible about autism. 'When I felt lonely, I pretended that all of the children were my friends. My first real friend was a neighbour of mine. We met when I was 18. I don't know how he came to our house. Perhaps my mother tried to help me 'make friends' and brought him along. I like this guy. He likes the same music as I do. He likes staying up late and I like that too. He doesn't seem bothered about my autism. I wish I could meet more people like him.'

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