Worksheet 35Jasmines Reflections

I can see that I do have some of these change-blocking beliefs. I guess I've always thought that this is just the way my life is. But now that I reflect on it, I guess I can see how these beliefs could get in the way of doing something about my problems. Nothing is going to change if I hold on tightly to these assumptions. But what can I do about them In the next section, Jasmine sees what she can do about her problematic beliefs. But before jumping to her resolution, try filling out your own...

Considering consequences C

After you list all the possible options for solving your problem, you need to contemplate the most likely outcomes for each of those options. We're not asking you to be a fortuneteller. Obviously you can't know how your solutions will turn out, but you can make a reasonably good guess. So take your best shot at evaluating what you think is most likely to happen. Worksheet 12-8 shows what Derrick comes up with. Worksheet 12-8 Derrick's Situation, Options, and Consequences S.O.C. Situation I'm...

Worksheet 16Tylers Reflections

I can see that I do have signs of depression. I didn't realize that before. And I see that depression particularly shows up in my body. It's affecting my energy, sex drive, and appetite. It's also making me withdraw from my girlfriend, which I can see from my loss of sex drive and lack of desire to be with her Apparently, I also have a few symptoms of anxiety, and I think I always have. It's time to do something about this. This is the Anxiety & Depression Workbook For Dummies. You can't...

Restoring Relationships

Discovering the connection between emotions and relationships Examining your relationship Enhancing your relationship with positive actions Dealing with endings upportive relationships provide a buffer against all types of emotional distress. Numerous studies indicate that good relationships and social support improve both mental and physical health. Humans apparently are social animals that are biologically programmed to function better when in supportive relationships. Like gorillas, birds,...

Sizing things up S

Rather than bury your head in the sand, take a good, hard look at your problem. Gather information about it, and think about the causes and the relative importance of the problem to your life. Believe it or not, you're not the first person to experience your problem. You can obtain information by talking to others, through books and articles, or by searching the Internet. Finally, reflect on what feelings this problem stirs up in you. Derrick feels frustrated at work as a mechanical engineer....

Worksheet 22My Emotional Origins

Questions About Mother (or other caregiver) 1. What was my mother's personality like 4. Was she overly critical or supportive 6. Were there special circumstances (for example, illness, death, divorce, military service, etc.) 7. Does anything else important about her come to mind, whether positive or negative Questions About Father (or other important caregiver) 1. What was my father's personality like 4. Was he overly critical or supportive 6. Were there special circumstances (for example,...

Worksheet 51Information Reality Scramblers Exercise

Enlarging and shrinking Your mind magnifies the awfulness of unpleasant events and minimizes the value and importance of anything positive about yourself, your world, or your future. For example, we may think, It's horrible that we have to write six pages today. We can't stand it Truth is, we may not feel like writing six pages, but the task hardly compares with more trying events such as losing someone close or being diagnosed with a serious health problem. 2. Filtering Your mind searches for...

Correcting Your Life Lenses A New Vision

Understanding the power of life-lenses Discovering your problematic life-lenses Changing the way you see things hen people get out of bed every morning, they open their eyes and look at their world. Some folks grab glasses off the nightstand, others need to get up and put in their contacts to see better. Some lucky people have 20 20 vision. What most people don't know is that everyone's vision of reality is altered by special life-lenses. Life-lenses are strongly held beliefs or assumptions...

The Distraught Behavior Quiz

I've been missing work lately because I just don't have the motivation. I don't laugh anymore. My hands shake when I'm nervous. I've been letting things go that I need to attend to. I feel compelled to repeat actions (such as hand washing, checking locks, arrang ing things in a certain way, and so on). Again, there's no pass or fail on this quiz. The more items you check, the greater the problem. Even-numbered items are most consistent with anxiety, and odd-numbered items largely indicate...

Icons Used in This Book

Throughout the book, icons in the margins alert you to important types of information This icon marks particularly noteworthy information that we hope you'll remember long after you read this workbook. This icon tells you it's time to roll up your sleeves and get to work It denotes a worksheet, form, or exercise for you to fill out. This icon points to specific examples that show you the way through worksheets or exercises. This icon appears when you need to take care you may need professional...

Sharing with Psychiatrists

Psychiatrists have extensive training in diagnosing and treating mental disorders. Most psychiatrists primarily utilize medication in treating these disorders, and they're particularly expert in the management of medications' side effects. (See Chapter 14 for more information about treatment through medication.) Some psychiatrists have specialized training in psychotherapy techniques such as those reviewed in this book, so you should inquire ahead of time if that's the kind of help you're...

Shifting the focus with I Messages

When you want to communicate concerns or dissatisfaction, the language you use makes a big difference in how heated your communication becomes. If you're critical or blaming, you're likely to produce defensiveness or a counterattack in your partner. I Messages state your concerns in terms of how they affect you and don't blame or accuse your partner of anything. To use this technique, you clearly state how you feel about an issue you know you're giving an I Message when you start your...

My Self Sabotage Diary

You can download extra copies of this form at www.dummies.com go adwbfd. Rewriting your self-sabotaging scripts Our minds create stories about ourselves, our lives, and our worlds. If you feel stuck, your stories are probably cloaked in themes of failure. For example, you may have a long-running play in your mind that has you as its central character. That character has a series of mishaps, failures, and missed opportunities. If this sounds familiar, it's time to rewrite the script. Try...

Worksheet 411Mollys Thought Tracker

Feelings and Sensations (Rated 1-100) I can't believe I did that. I'm such an idiot. Everyone at work will notice. Tense (90) tightness through my back and shoulders I don't have time to deal with this. I'll have to call the insurance company, get estimates on the repair, and arrange alternative transportation. I'm already feeling way behind on the Bradley contract. I'll never get it done on time now. Strange as it may seem, Tyler slams his car into that same pole, although not until the next...

Worksheet 19Personal Style Questionnaire

I like to think through problems. I carefully weigh costs and benefits before I act. Doers I can't stand sitting around and thinking. I like to take action on problems. I like accomplishing things each day. I like plowing through obstacles. I act first and think later. I'm a very sensuous person. I pay a lot of attention to how I feel. I love massages and hot baths. Music and art are very important to me. I'm very in touch with my feelings. Relaters I'd...

Worksheet 513The Loathsome Label Quiz

Dummy (well . . . not really ) Labels erode your self-worth. They always involve overgeneralization and black-and-white thinking (see the section The Information Reality Scramblers earlier in this chapter). Labels represent concepts that hold no redeeming value they don't help you, and they often lead to increased emotional distress. So what should you do when you hear these labels floating through your mind See Worksheet 5-14 for examples of self-labels and new ways of looking at them.

Choosing Your Challenge

The next four parts of this workbook cover the areas of thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and relationships. One obvious way of deciding which area to begin in is to choose the one that causes you the most problems. Or, you can work through them in order. Wherever you choose to start, you should know that all these areas interact with each other. For example, if you have anxious thoughts about being judged, you're likely to avoid (behavior) the spotlight. And you could very well experience...

Connecting with

People have the rather curious habit of allowing their thoughts to dwell on the past or the future. In the process, they make themselves miserable. If you really think about it, most of what you get unhappy or worried about has to do with events that happened in the past or are yet to occur. You feel guilty about past transgressions and worry about future calamities. When you spend too much time in the past or future, you're bound to ruin your present. You lose the enjoyment and pleasure you...

Start by Losing Your Mind

What's that Confused You may be thinking, These authors sound like the ones who are losing their minds. This sounds like flakey hogwash It's perfectly okay with us if you wish to think that, but how about you play along with us for a few moments more and work through the next few sections Distinguishing between observing and evaluating Sit back and wait for a thought to enter your mind. Don't rush it we're sure one will come along pretty soon. When it does, ask...

The Case for Health Improvement

The U.S. government gives you guidelines about what you should do exercise-wise, but what's with all the shoulds In Chapter 5, we told you to stop shoulding on yourself. Now, we're telling you that you should exercise. Are we just trying to make you feel guilty No, not really. In fact, we'd be defeating our own purpose if you started feeling guilty However, we believe that exercise has so many benefits that everyone physically capable of moving around would feel better if they just did...

Tylers Thought Tracker

Feelings and Sensations (Rated 1-100) Rage (80) flushed face and rapid breathing I hit that stupid pole with my new sports car There's not a single good reason that anyone would have a pole there I should sue whoever owns this parking lot. This is terrible. I've only had that car for three months. Cars are never the same after you wreck them. Bad things are always happening to me. Now, you're going to find this really hard to believe, but Jasmine happens to be in that same parking lot a week...

Breathing Tension Away

You may not realize it, but the way you breathe can either increase or decrease your tension. Many people breathe in a manner that's counterproductive in terms of relaxation They breathe too shallowly, restricting their breathing to the upper chest area, or breathe too fast. Sometimes, people under stress even hold their breath for a while, which further heightens their body's arousal.

Enhancing Your Relationship

Have you ever received or given flowers at the start of a new relationship Ideally, relationships continue to provide flowers of many varieties compliments, companionship, good times, caring, affection, laughter, and more. Most good relationships start out with enthusiasm and a bouquet of good feelings. But too often, complacency sets in, and life interferes. After a while, it's easy to forget to send flowers. When you stop cultivating a garden, ugly weeds choke out the flowers. The same is...

Acknowledgments

We're hopelessly addicted to this writing business. We no longer need to apologize to our family and friends for our neglect they're used to it by now We appreciate the efforts of our agents, Ed and Elizabeth Knappman who have encouraged our pursuits. Thanks to our editors at Wiley Mikal Belicove, Tim Gallan, and Elizabeth Rea. We would not be able to function without help from Audrey Hite. Special thanks to Scott Love at Softekllc.com, who designed our Web site and...

Discovering the Problem Isnt All About

When someone you care about is angry or distraught, you may think that the upset relates to you in some way. This assumption is natural but not always correct. When you wrongly take responsibility for your partner's emotions, you engage in personalizing. And when you personalize, you're likely to feel distressed and just may become defensive or counterattack (see Overriding Defensiveness for more on those reactions). It's often the case that when people get upset, it has very little to do with...

Feeling Funky

Depression and anxiety inevitably produce physical symptoms. In fact, some people primarily suffer from changes in appetite, sleep, energy, or pain while reporting few problematic thoughts or behaviors. These symptoms directly affect your body, but they're not as easily observed by other people as the behavioral signs covered in the preceding section. Take The Sad, Stressed Sensations Quiz in Worksheet 1-3 to see if your body is trying to tell you something about your emotional state.

Doing What You Can to Solve the Problem

In this section, you face your problem and take action to change it. By assessing your responsibility and determining what you can do about your problem, you avoid immersing yourself in self-loathing and harsh self-blame. This approach allows you to take responsibility for an appropriate portion of the problem and do what you can with it. If your responsibility involves something that's over and done with, no action is possible. But you can still try to let go of the shame that leads nowhere...

Dwelling on Dismal and Worried Thoughts

If you were able to listen in on the thoughts that reverberate through a depressed person's head, you might hear I'm a failure, My future looks bleak, Things just keep on getting worse, or I regret so many things in my life. On the other hand, the thoughts of an anxious person might sound like I'm going to make a fool out of myself when I give that speech, I never know what to say at parties, The freeway scares me to death, I know that the odds of a plane crash are small, but flying scares me,...

Imagining the Worst

The preceding section shows you how to rethink risks because, in general, when people are depressed or anxious, they greatly overestimate the odds of bad things happening. And they grossly underestimate their abilities to cope. But just in case you're starting to think otherwise, we're not trying to convince you that bad things never happen. They do. People get sick, accidents happen, and relationships end. Stuff happens. Sometimes really bad stuff. What then Imagining yourself dealing with...

Worksheet 615Joels Traveling to the Future

f 1 do indeed make a fool out of myself, I'll probably feel pretty bad and the impact on my life will feel like 30 or even 40 on a 100-point scale. I'll still feel embarrassed a week later I suspect that images of the incident will go through my mind fairly often, but six months from now, I doubt I'll think about the incident much at all. I'm sure that a year later I will have almost completely forgotten about it. So I guess the overall effect on my life will likely be about a 1 on a 100-point...

Making a choice C

In order to make a choice about how to handle your problem, you need to carefully consider each option and its most likely outcome (see Worksheet 12-9). Reflect on how each option would make you feel if you were to carry it out. Some options may seem pretty difficult. And some options, you would obviously not select. When you make your selection, commit to it even it it seems very difficult. You may want to tell others what you plan to do because spreading the word often makes the commitment...

Poisonous Pleasures

We don't want you taking this pleasure idea too far. Pleasure's great, of course, but some pleasures can get you into instant trouble, and other pleasures, when taken to extremes, can be dangerous or unhealthy. Thus, we'd be remiss if we didn't make note of the dangers some pleasures hold. Watch out for 1 Drug abuse 1 Prostitution 1 Alcohol to excess 1 Hanging out with bad company 1 Sleeping to excess 1 Watching television endlessly 1 Overeating 1 Sexual promiscuity 1 Excessive caffeine...

The Conflicted Connections Quiz

I get very nervous when I meet new people. I don't feel like talking to anyone. I'm overly sensitive when anyone criticizes me in the slightest way. I'm more irritable with others than usual. You guessed it there's no cutoff score here to tell you definitively whether or not you're anxious or depressed. But the more items you check off, the more your relationships are suffering from your anxiety, depression, or both. Odd-numbered items usually indicate problems with depression, and...

While 1 dont feel like a leader the evidence says otherwise 1m capable and 1m doing it

Take one of your most malicious thoughts and use the Testing Thoughts strategy to devise an effective response to that thought. 1. When you find yourself making a negative prediction about some upcoming event or situation, write down your most malicious thought. 2. Take the Rethinking Negative Predictions Quiz in Worksheet 6-21. 3. Act on your recalculated risk by doing the thing you fear. 4. In Worksheet 6-22, write out a replacement thought for your original prediction and use it in similar...

What Not to Read

Workbooks may conjure up memories of boredom and drudgery for you. Do you recall endless hours of mindless homework Your teacher probably told you to fill out every single page of each and every assignment, whether you'd mastered the skills or not. Not in this book We don't tell you what you have to do. You can pick and choose which sections to read and which exercises to complete. Although we believe all our suggestions have value, we encourage you to judge for yourself which exercises offer...

Steep situation 5 Waking up too much

Waking up once on most nights is pretty typical and not a problem to be concerned about. However, waking up frequently or being unable to get back to sleep after waking is a problem. This problem should be checked out with your physician because it may indicate 1 Prostate problems (that is, if you're a guy). 1 Hormonal problems (typically, if you're female). 1 Restless leg syndrome, a condition in which you feel an uncomfortable feeling in your legs or feet and an urge to keep moving them. i A...

Connecting the Mind and Body

After you become more observant of your body's signals, it's time to connect your mental and physical states. Feeling words connect and label these combined states. If you're unaccustomed to describing your feelings, spend some time looking over the list of words in the following chart and ponder whether they apply to you. Take your time, and don't rush the process. Track your feelings every day for a week using the Daily Unpleasant Emotions Checklist in Worksheet 4-5. See Chapter 17 for...

Collecting options O

After you lay out your problem, it's time to let the creative juices flow. This step asks you to brainstorm any and all possible ways of tackling your problem. Be sure to list all the ideas you have, even if they sound silly. Put your internal critique on hold and let loose. If you're stumped for solution ideas, consider reading books your local librarian will have ideas. And ask trusted people who have gone through similar problems. Derrick learns more about the job market and continues to...

Even if I should happen to make a fool out of myself its hardly going to be a lifechanging event I may as well just go

The Traveling to the Future technique won't apply to all your thoughts and problems, but it works wonders with quite a few. In Joel's case, he could have analyzed his malicious thought for obvious distortions such as labeling and enlarging. He also could have taken the malicious thought to Thought Court. In other words, be sure to try out a variety of strategies for rehabilitating your thoughts in order to find the one that works best for you and for a particular thought or thoughts. Take one...

Fitting Exercise into Your Life

You may have some pretty good reasons for exercising now, but wow, 30 to 90 minutes where will you find the time You're probably way too busy as it is. We know, we know we can almost hear those thoughts running through your head. First of all, you don't have to find one big window of time for exercise. The government guidelines state that it's just as useful to do your exercise in 10- or 15-minute segments. What matters is the total accumulation per day. And it may help you to know that...

How to Use This Book

Unlike most workbooks, you don't necessarily have to read and use the chapters of this book in order, beginning to end. You can pick and choose what chapters to read and what exercises to do, and you can also choose where to start and stop. We give you just enough information to carry out the exercises and improve your moods. This book is meant to be written in. Writing enhances skills and commits you to taking action, so we strongly encourage you to do the work required for your recovery by...

Sleep situation 7 Dream demons

Do nightmares invade your sleep on a regular basis Everyone has the occasional nightmare, but if they routinely plague your nights and leave you feeling upset or unable to get back to sleep, try the strategy in Worksheet 13-8, which was developed by sleep specialists Drs. Krakow and Neidhardt. 1. Write down your nightmare. Dreams tend to fade quickly from memory, so keep a pen and paper ready at your bedside. 2. Write down your thoughts and feelings about your nightmare. 3. Rewrite your...

Sizing Up Your Risk of Relapse

If your main problem is depression, your risk of relapse is particularly high. In fact, if you treated your depression only with medication, your risk of relapse exceeds 50 percent over the next couple of years. Anxiety poses a somewhat lower relapse risk. Studies indicate that cognitive behavior therapies (those that focus on changes in thinking and behaving), which are the basis for most of this book, work. Not only do these therapies work, they appear to significantly reduce relapse risk. So...

The Hindering Change Checklist

I'll never be okay because of my past. I'll never be okay because of my past. I use a lot of excuses for not dealing with my problems. If I don't succeed 100 , I get very critical of myself. It isn't hard to see how thoughts like these could bog you down and prevent active efforts to change. Yet almost everyone engages in at least a little self-sabotage, whether consciously or not. Don't make your problems worse by pummeling yourself when you see that you're self-sabotaging. Self-criticism...

Shoulding on yourself

One of our favorite quotes comes from psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis, who said, Stop shoulding on yourself. That phrase rings true for the vast majority of clients we see in our practices as psychologists. And we must admit, we occasionally fall victim to the tyranny of the should as well. Shoulding involves putting yourself down by telling yourself that you should be or act different in some way. It can refer to past, present, or future actions. Shoulding scrambles accurate self-views and turns...

The Serious Symptom Checklist

I have thoughts about killing myself. My sleep has been seriously disturbed for more than two weeks (including sleeping too little or too much). I've gained or lost more than a few pounds without trying to do so. I'm ignoring major responsibilities in my life such as going to work or paying bills. I'm seeing things that aren't there. My drug use and or drinking are interfering with my life. My thoughts race, and I can't slow them down. Someone I trust and care about has said I need help. I've...

The Shouldingon Yourself Quiz

I should be a better person. I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have distorted thoughts I shouldn't make so many mistakes. I should be nicer to people. I shouldn't get so upset about things. So what's wrong with these thoughts (We can almost hear you thinking, But I SHOULD eat less, be a better person, or not get so upset about things ) Well, there's no rule chiseled in granite stating that you should or must act or think in certain ways. Shoulding is a...

Worksheet 55 Thought Tracker Information Reality Scrambler Practice

Feelings and Sensations (Rated 1-100) For extra copies of this form, visit www.dummies.com go adwbfd. For extra copies of this form, visit www.dummies.com go adwbfd. In working through the exercise in Worksheet 5-5, were you able to find the Information Reality Scramblers in your thinking If so, we expect you'll begin questioning whether or not your thoughts about events are always accurate. With that doubt comes the possibility of seeing things a little differently more realistically,...

Worksheet 520My Action Strategy Worksheet

My Specific Contributions to the Problem My Specific Contributions to the Problem As you finish this chapter, take the time to reflect on what you've discovered about your patterns of thinking and how they affect your view of yourself. Write down your feelings, thoughts, and insights in Worksheet 5-21.

Worksheet 611Emmas Getting Help from a Friend Louise

Well, Louise, I know you feel like a failure, but your son only came home with two C's and three B's. That's not exactly catastrophic. Sure, you haven't spent as much time with him lately, but you've been pretty tied up at work. That happens. You don't need to beat up on yourself Talk with his teacher and see what you can do to help. Quit sounding like a helpless victim. Besides, your son is 16 now don't you think he has something to do with his own success and failure It isn't all about you....

Dont refuse to defuse

Another alternative to defensiveness or counterattacking is defusing. You use this technique when your partner clearly is engaging in criticism. Basically, defusing consists of saying something downright counterintuitive finding at least a sliver of truth in your partner's statement. When you acknowledge part (or sometimes all) of your partner's concerns, you keep the dialogue going and take the emotional charge out of the interaction. We're not suggesting that you completely capitulate or lie...

Event My daughter is 30 minutes late getting home

Guilty and blameworthy I worry about whether I've done the wrong thing. I must be a terrible father otherwise, my daughter would be home on time. Paul has an over-control life-lens. He likes to be in charge and feels uncomfortable when others challenge his authority (see Worksheet 7-4).

Getting a Hand from Psychologists

Psychologists typically have PhDs in psychology, which give them extensive training in the diagnosis and treatment of mental disorders. They primarily utilize psychotherapy, which involves individual sessions during which you and your psychologist work together on goals for overcoming your difficulties. For the best results, make sure your psychologist is familiar with scientifically validated therapies such as those covered in this book. In a few states, psychologists with additional,...

Indicting and Rehabilitating Thoughts

Investigating and charging thoughts Putting thoughts on trial Repairing thoughts ost people simply assume that thoughts they have about themselves and the world are true. But thoughts don't always reflect reality, just as funhouse mirrors don't reflect the way you really look. In Chapter 5, we help you uncover the distortions (also known as reality scramblers) in your thoughts. In this chapter, you become a thought detective. No, you don't need a magnifying glass or sharp-looking hat and...

Letting it rip R

Running your solution and reviewing its effectiveness are crucial to your success. You've gone through the problem-solving process, and now it's time to turn all that work into action. Decide when would be a good time to execute your plan, and do it Afterward, evaluate how your plan worked. Derrick decides to improve his communication and social skills, so he completes the actions he selected earlier in the process. Worksheet 12-12 shows Derrick's reflections on how his solution goes. Worksheet...

Its not fair that I was burned and have to go through life this way

Jeremy finds the Thought Tracker exercise interesting. He realizes that two thoughts create the most emotional pain for him. Next, his therapist suggests that Jeremy put the first of these thoughts on trial using a worksheet (later on, they address his other malicious thought). As you can see in Worksheet 6-2, Jeremy writes down the malicious thought first and then in one column defends the thought by listing all the reasons, logic, and evidence he can muster to support the case that the...

Introduction

1 you worry too much Are you often sad or down in the dumps Do you have to drag yourself out of bed in the morning Or maybe you avoid people more than you should. If so, you're probably dealing with some type of anxiety or depression. Depression and anxiety are serious problems they darken vision and distort thinking while draining joy and pleasure from life. Everyone feels sad or worried from time to time. Unpleasant feelings are a normal part of life. But when depression or anxiety...

Revealing the Emotion Relationship Connection

Whether you like it or not, when you're anxious or depressed, you become more self-absorbed. We don't mean that you become conceited, but your attention becomes focused on your problems and concerns. Although the shift in your focus is quite understandable, your relationships are likely to suffer when your problems lay claim to your energy. Because you're mentally and emotionally drained, you don't pay much attention to nurturing your relationships and relationships need nurturing. In addition,...

Tagging yourself with loathsome labels

Sticks and stones can break your bones, and words can really hurt you. The final Self-Judging Reality Scrambler amounts to calling yourself bad names. It's so easy to tag yourself with demeaning labels, and when you do, you inevitably feel worse. To pinpoint the loathsome labels you give yourself, take the quiz in Worksheet 5-13. Check off the words that you use to describe yourself when things go wrong.

Talking About the Tough Stuff

As we explain in Chapter 15, communication is the foundation of any good relationship. In that chapter, we give you tools for sharing experiences and positive feelings. In this chapter, we tell you how to talk about dicier issues, such as concerns, disagreements, and dissatisfactions. After all, sometimes people just need to discuss this stuff. Unfortunately, most people don't know how to do that very well. Our two strategies for helping you express the tough stuff are I Messages and buffering.

The Self Judging Reality Scramblers

The Self-Judging Reality Scramblers twist the way you view yourself and your behavior. Depressed and anxious minds tend to be harshly critical, judgmental, and self-abusive. Why is that a problem Because self-judging is another form of self-sabotage. Although you may think otherwise, self-criticism doesn't motivate you to do anything positive or productive rather, it only makes you feel worse and leaves you with less energy for changing. Self-Judging Reality Scramblers come in three different...

The Negative Thinking Quiz

I think I'm a failure. My thoughts race, and I obsess about things. Although these thoughts can occur to someone who's either depressed or anxious (or both), the odd-numbered items are most indicative of depression, and the even-numbered items reflect anxious thinking. There's no pass or fail mark on this quiz. However, the more items you endorse, the more you have cause for concern specifically, if you check more than eight or ten items, you should think...

Worksheet 71 continued

Help-seeking I depend on others a lot, and 1 feel better when other people take care of me. 1 can't handle life by myself. Help-avoidant I hate asking for favors, and I don't like it when other people try to help me. Under-control If 1 want to do something, 1 follow my impulses. It's hard for me to set limits with people, so I tend to get walked on. I'd rather express my emotions than control them. Over-control Nothing is worse than losing control. I never let anyone see how I feel. I like to...

The Unfair Unjust Belief Quiz

I can't stop thinking about how I've been mistreated. I feel angry about all the bad things that have happened to me. 5. Other people don't understand how difficult my life has been. Anyone with my life couldn't help but complain. 7. Hardly anyone could appreciate how much I've suffered. the trauma that has happened in my life. Now that you've taken the quizzes, you can probably see if any of these beliefs dwell in your mind. If you checked two or more items in The Fear of Change Quiz, you...

Worksheet 621My Rethinking Negative Predictions Quiz

How many times have I predicted this outcome and how many times has it actually happened to me 2. How often does this happen to people I know 3. If someone else made this prediction, would I agree 4. Am I assuming this will happen just because I fear that it will, or is there a reasonable chance that it will truly happen 5. Do I have any experiences from my past that suggest my dire prediction is unlikely to occur Assuming your answers tell you that the odds are in your favor, go ahead and test...

Worksheet 612Emmas Replacement Thought

My son isn't falling apart and I'm not a failure. All I can do is see what I can do to help the rest is up to him. Take one of your most malicious thoughts and use the Getting Help from a Friend strategy to devise an effective response to that thought. Of course, it helps to take the malicious thought to Thought Court first, which you've done right We did mention this is a workbook That means you need to do the work for this book to help you. So if you haven't worked on these exercises yet, no...

Worksheet 67My Reflections

Now you're ready to put a malicious thought on trial. After you put one thought on trial using the instructions that follow, proceed to put other malicious thoughts through the same process. 1. In Worksheet 6-8, designate one of your most malicious thoughts as the accused thought and write it down. 2. In the left-hand column, write all the reasons, evidence, and logic that support the truth of your accused thought. In other words, defend your thought as best you can. 3. In the right-hand...

Worksheet 519Robins Action Strategy Worksheet

My Specific Contributions to the Problem I can lose ten pounds by increasing my exercise and watching my diet. It won't help this divorce, but my counselor said exercise will lift my spirits, and I'll be healthier I'm not the most attractive woman in the world. I can't do a lot about my appearance other than realize it's not that important. I don't want a man who wants me just for the way I look anyway I ignored our lack of communication in the marriage. When I find another relationship, I need...

Worksheet 71Problematic Life Lenses Questionnaire

I don't feel like 1 deserve to have good things happen to me. 1 feel uncomfortable whenever someone does something nice for me. I deserve the best of everything. I should have almost anything I want. If my needs unexpectedly go unmet, I feel threatened, sad, or angry. Abandonment-fearful I need lots of reassurance to feel loved. 1 feel lost without someone in my life, and 1 worry about losing those 1 care about. 1 feel jealous and cling to my loved ones because of my fear. Intimacy-avoidant I...

The Information Reality Scramblers

Information Reality Scramblers warp your perceptions of your world and events occurring around you they distort how you think about what's really happening. You may not know that Information Reality Scramblers affect your thinking, but if you give it a little thought, you're likely to see that they do. Information Reality Scramblers consist of the various ways in which the mind distorts the information coming into it. For example, suppose a depressed man receives a mediocre performance review...

Worksheet 415 continued

Feelings and Sensations (Rated 1-100) Visit www.dummies.com go adwbfd to download extra copies of this form. Do you notice any patterns to the types of thoughts you have Are these thoughts associated with certain types of feelings Take the time to reflect on this exercise using Worksheet 4-16.

Distinguishing the past from the present

Life-lenses develop from emotionally significant events in childhood, and they make sense when viewed in conjunction with those events. Your world has no doubt changed a great deal over the years, but you probably still look through many of the same old lenses. And those lenses don't give you a clear vision of present-day reality. As you can see in Worksheet 7-8, Hannah developed the life-lens of perfectionistic. As a kid, she was harshly criticized when she wasn't perfect, so the lens helped...

Worksheet 518 continued

My re-rated level of responsibility is _ Some people deny any and all responsibility for problems they encounter. These folks usually find a convenient scapegoat such as a mother, father, significant other, society, or event to blame for all their woes. Failing to accept any responsibility for your troubles makes you see yourself as helpless and the world as unfair and unjust (check out Chapter 3 for more information about such self-sabotaging beliefs). Realize that you don't want to fall into...

How This Book Is Organized

The Anxiety & Depression Workbook For Dummies is organized into seven parts, which we outline in the following sections. Part I Analyzing Angst and Preparing a Plan This part is all about helping you identify your problem and take the first small steps toward recovery. Chapter 1 helps you discover whether you have a problem with anxiety or depression. The quizzes in this chapter help you see where these problems show up in your world and what they do to your thoughts, behaviors, feelings,...

The origins of lifelenses

Usually, the prescription for your life-lenses is established in your childhood. People don't come into the world seeing themselves as inadequate, undeserving, entitled, or perfectionis-tic. Rather, they learn these patterns through repeated experiences. Life-lenses emerge from abuse, abandonment, betrayal, criticism, natural disasters, loss, rejection, and other emotionally powerful events. Some life-lenses even develop from well-meaning parents who unwittingly go overboard (probably because...

Dealing with Relationship Loss

It would be nice if people lived forever and relationships always endured. But life isn't a fairy tale everyone doesn't live happily ever after. Relationships break up, marriages dissolve, circumstances cause prolonged separations, and people die. And loss, whether from death or happenstance, causes great distress. jtJM In fact, loss sometimes causes depression. When you lose someone, it's natural to grieve and feel sad. However, grief isn't quite the same thing as depression. The main...

Softening the blow through buffering

When you communicate negative or critical concerns, you have basically two choices You can smash your partner over the head, or you can soften the blow. Guess which one works best Like buffered aspirin, buffering reduces the acidity in your communications. To buffer, you add a phrase that conveys the possibility that your position may not be entirely correct or that your reaction may be a little excessive. We know, we know you may feel you're undoubtedly 100 percent correct, but it never hurts...

Untangling Twisted Thinking

Discovering distortions in your thinking Prejudging yourself Assigning blame n this chapter, we cut to the chase and help you apply the principles of cognitive therapy, which is based on the premise that the way you interpret or think about events largely determines the way you feel. The great thing about cognitive therapy is that changing the way you think changes the way you feel. With the possible exception of our book editors, all human beings have some distorted thinking. Distorted means...

Examining Life Lenses

Everyone has certain unquestioned assumptions about life. Many assumptions are rather useful. For example, it's not a bad idea to assume that day follows night, taxes must be paid, food is located at grocery stores, most drivers stop at red lights, and hard work usually pays off. Not questioning these assumptions makes life more efficient. Think about how snarled traffic would be if no one assumed that red means stop and green means go. Or just consider how much time you'd waste if you searched...

Shining the light on your defensive behavior

Before you can stop making the malicious assumption and following it with defensive responses, you need to see how these behaviors play out in your life. Therefore, we suggest you track events in which these behaviors crop up. Use the following instructions as your guide. (After you identify your own defensive behaviors, we give you an alternative to defen-siveness and explain a method for dealing with truly hostile criticism in a way that may lead to better outcomes.) 1. Whenever your partner...

Check please

Hopefully the exercise in the preceding section has made you more aware of when you get defensive. But what's an alternative when you perceive your partner's actions or words as hostile or malicious We recommend something called checking it out. Checking it out involves first catching the urge to be defensive. Then, when you're ready, you make a gentle inquiry about your partner's true intentions. Max promises to pick up Teva for dinner and a movie at 6 30. He arrives breathless at 6 50 saying,...

Worksheet 48Jasmines Reflections

I thought that all I worried about was the kids. Truth is, my job really gets me stirred up. Conflict isn't easy for me either I'd better do something about that. My shyness gets in my way, too. I didn't realize how often I have these feelings. Now it's your turn to fill out a Mood Diary (see Worksheet 4-9). This exercise can provide you with invaluable information about patterns and issues that consistently cause you distress. This knowledge helps you see what needs to...

After the Verdict Replacing and Rehabilitating Your Thoughts

Hopefully, the prosecution presents a convincing case against a variety of your malicious thoughts, and you begin to see that many of your thoughts are guilty of scrambling reality and causing excessive emotional distress. When criminals are convicted, society usually tries to rehabilitate them and give them a second chance. The same thing goes for guilty thoughts. In this section, we show you how to rehabilitate your guilty thoughts, one at a time. Rehabilitating your thoughts decreases...

Worksheet 310 My Analyzing Advantages and Disadvantages Form

Now, read over the advantages and disadvantages you've listed for each change-blocking belief. Reflect on the advantages, and you're likely to see that they actually aren't all that advantageous. Weigh the pros and the cons of holding onto your beliefs, and write all your reflections in Worksheet 3-11.

Putting your thoughts on trial

You guessed it it's your turn to visit Thought Court. Don't be concerned if you struggle in your initial attempts this important exercise takes practice. (And if you're still confused after examining your own thoughts, you can find several more examples to illustrate further how this process works.) The first step is to complete a Thought Tracker (see Worksheet 6-6) by following these instructions 1. Pay attention to your body's signals and write them down whenever you feel something...

Worksheet 413Jasmines Thought Tracker

Feelings and Sensations (Rated 1-100) Panic (95) terrified, sweaty, rapid shallow breathing, dizzy At first I thought I might have run into someone's car and could have hurt somebody I never know how to handle things like this. I'll probably lose my driver's license or my insurance will drop me. My husband will be furious with me. I can't stand it when he's mad at me. Three people, same event. You can see how their thoughts contribute to the way they feel. All three of them look at this event...

Smoothing Out Conflict

Depersonalizing your partner's behavior Communicating through conflict Conflict with someone you care about hurts, and when you're depressed or anxious, you tend to be more irritable, which leads to more conflict. Like so many other problems related to depression and anxiety, a vicious cycle ensues. In this chapter, we help you break the negative cycle of conflict. We explain how what we call the malicious assumption leads to defensiveness and counterattacks. Then we show you how to track the...

Pleasure Busters

Ideally, you found a nice list of pleasurable activities from our Nifty 50 Checklist (see Worksheet 11-1) and were able to insert them into your regular life without too much trouble. However, we know that many people don't find this task so easy to do. Emotional distress and especially depression cause distorted thinking (see Chapters 5, 6, and 7 for the lowdown on distorted thinking). In this section, we zero in on the thoughts that are most likely to interfere with your efforts to increase...

Worksheet 63Prosecutors Investigative Questions

Is this thought illogical or distorted in any way (See Chapter 5 for a list of reality scramblers that indicate distortions in thoughts.) 2. Is this event as horrible as I'm letting myself believe it is 3. Were there any times in my life when this thought wouldn't have held true 4. Do I know of friends or acquaintances who have experienced similar events but for whom this thought wouldn't apply 5. Am I ignoring any evidence that may dispute this thought 6. Is this thought really helping me 7....

What We Assume About

By the sheer fact that you've picked up this book, we assume, perhaps foolishly, that you want to do something about depression and or anxiety. We hope you already know a little about these topics, but if you want to know more, we suggest you read either or both of the companion books to this workbook Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies (Wiley) and Depression For Dummies (Wiley). Of course, we're slightly biased toward these books because we wrote them, but honestly, they'll broaden your...

Building a Staircase of Fear

Well, maybe not any fear it should be one that bothers you and that you'd like to do something about (it's probably from your Top Five Fears list see Worksheet 9-2). The best way to overcome fear is to face it dead-on. Not all at once, mind you, but in steps. The exposure technique for facing and overcoming fear involves breaking your fear into manageable steps and gradually confronting each one. You don't proceed to the next step until you've conquered the one you...

Climbing Your Staircase

After you develop your first Staircase of Fear (see the previous section), it's time to face your fear directly. Oh my gosh This could be kind of hard, huh It will be hard, but if you take care to focus on each step as it comes and climb slowly, you're likely to succeed. Take the steps as slowly as you need to. Remember, if you find the process too difficult, consult a mental health professional. You don't have to go this alone. Jump back up to the section Identifying your fears and review...

In this part

M Jlj e take you beyond getting better and help you prepare for possible difficulties in the road ahead. Relapse of anxiety or depression is disturbingly common, but you don't have to sit back and let it happen. We tell you what you can do to prevent relapse or at least head it off early on. Finally, we turn our focus to what makes people happy. After all, we don't want you to just get over your emotional distress we want you to feel true joy from your life. That's why we provide exercises that...

Worksheet 514 continued

My voice started to shake during a meeting at work. I was talking about something very important to me. At times like that I do get a little tense. I wish I didn't, but that doesn't make me a loser. I didn't get into the graduate school I wanted. It was very competitive. I did get my third choice. Sure, I wish I'd gotten my preference, but I can still succeed in my chosen career. The doc said that after 50, metabolic changes make it harder to lose weight. I do have extra weight, and I don't...

Facing Feelings Avoiding Avoidance

Plowing through obsessions and compulsions 7his chapter is all about fear and anxiety. We know what you're thinking this book is supposed to be about both anxiety and depression so what does fear have to do with depression Well, quite a lot actually. Fear is connected to anxiety, and anxiety, especially chronic anxiety, frequently leads to depression. And if you're already depressed, anxiety is likely to deepen your depression. If you experience fear and anxiety, you probably avoid the things...

From Arraignment to Conviction Thought Court

We base our technique called Thought Court on the principles of cognitive therapy. Cognitive therapy was founded in the late 1950s by Dr. Aaron T. Beck, who discovered that changing the way people think changes the way they feel. Many studies attest to the fact that cognitive therapy works very well to alleviate anxiety and depression. Therefore, we recommend that you regularly work on the exercises in this section. Do this work until you find yourself starting to think and feel differently . ....

Arriving at Acceptance

Once or twice each winter, we take a drive up to the crest of New Mexico's Sandia Mountains, elevation 10,000 feet. We like to tromp around in the snow and sometimes go cross-country skiing. We bring our dogs, and they appear to love the snow more than we do. The parking lot at the crest is usually plowed, but the last time we went, we managed to get stuck in a snowbank. I mean really stuck. As the wheels began spinning uselessly, I (Charles) uttered a few choice words of frustration. Laura...

Mellowing Your Muscles

One of the most thoroughly researched methods for teaching your body to relax is called progressive muscle relaxation. It sounds scientific and complicated, but you can find easy techniques for muscle relaxation in a variety of books, tapes, CDs, and on the Internet. Flat out Muscle relaxation works. That's why, in this section, we give you one of our favorite muscle relaxation strategies. In the beginning, this technique will take you about 15 or 20 minutes. As you practice the exercise,...

Minding Your Moods

Listening to your body Figuring out your feelings Connecting events and feelings Tracking thoughts, events, and feelings ou can't overcome anxiety and depression by running on autopilot. Learning how to feel better starts with self-observation. In this chapter, we provide instructions for observing the relationships among your feelings, your thoughts, and the happenings in your life. First, you monitor your body's response to events. This information helps you become more aware of the physical...

Walking in Quicksand Apprehensive and Blue Behavior

If you were to follow a depressed or anxious person around, you might see some behavioral signs of their emotional turmoil. That's because depression and anxiety on the inside affect what people do on the outside. For example, a depressed person may look tired, move slowly, or withdraw from friends and family an anxious person may avoid socializing or have a trembling voice. Take the quiz in Worksheet 1-2 to see if your behavior indicates a problem with anxiety and or depression. Check off each...